Articles by Dan Franzen

The Critical Movie Critics

For more reviews, visit Frothy Ruminations, the oldest review site you've never, ever heard of. Now in color!Remember - there's no need not to be critical. Kittens are critical of you; we should learn from them. And who doesn't love kittens? Ergo, cogit sum! QED! Whatever. I'm going to go have a kitten sandwich. Don't wait up.


Movie Review: Good Mourning, Lucille (2014)

The premise of Good Mourning, Lucille sounds promising. A young woman searches for her twin sister’s killer by capturing on camera the actions of those closest to her. Makes you want to know more, doesn’t it? But that’s about where the intrigue ends in this somewhat hapless tale that’s weighed down by a weak cast…

Movie Review: The Shadow Effect (2017)

The dreadful The Shadow Effect, equal parts 80s action movie and 90s conspiracy thriller, is one of those movies that starts out puzzling and ends up incomprehensible. Overplotted and overacted, the movie is as subtle as a heart attack in a public library. It’s not, however, weighed down by such niceties as nuance and cleverness,…

Movie Review: In Circles (2016)

In Circles, a based-on-fact drama about crop circles in England, is unfortunately inert and dead on arrival. It’s a muddled ball of confusion that struggles fruitlessly to provide some sort of context or emotional connection among the characters, the audience, and the plot. Otherwise, it’s not really terrible. A reporter, Lara (Cassandra Thomas, “The Duchess…

Movie Review: Teenage Ghost Punk (2014)

I didn’t think a comedy called Teenage Ghost Punk would be anything but a hot mess that tried too hard to be funny, but I was pleasantly surprised. It ain’t just funny; it’s uproarious, with a creative bent not often seen in the horror-comedy genre. Carol (Adria Dawn, “Uncle John”)is a middle-aged divorcee who’s left…

Movie Review: Slasher.com (2017)

I just finished watching the hilarious Slasher.com (or “S/ash.er,” as it’s expressed in the credits), which is a, um, slasher movie. Those aren’t usually funny, and this one probably didn’t set out to be comical in nature, but it is what it is: One of those elusive so-bad-it’s-good movies. Slasher.com begins with some faux news…

Movie Review: Havenhurst (2016)

In Havenhurst, a recovering alcoholic takes up residence in a Gothic apartment building in an effort to locate her missing friend, herself an addict, and finds a rabbit hole worthy of Lewis Carroll himself. The movie is truly effective at bringing the scares, with an atmosphere of unease and a typically amazing performance by Fionnula…

Movie Review: Vampyres (2015)

Vampyres is based on a 1974 cult classic. I haven’t seen the original, but it looks perfectly sleazy, decadent, and nasty, so I’m sure it’s right up my alley. Unfortunately, its successor is charmless and devoid of such luxuries as acting and a decent script. Which kind of means it fails at being a bad…

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