Articles by Mariusz Zubrowski

The Critical Movie Critics

Eventually I'll put something nifty here. Until then, know that I'm watching you. Closely.


Movie Review: Rango (2011)

Director Gore Verbinski himself has admitted that Rango was meant only as a “small” break from the widely-successful Pirates of the Caribbean series. To his surprise, however, animated filmmaking was not the piece of cake that he had expected and his short detour into the Mojave Desert was scaled into a more serious production. Fortunately,…

Movie Review: Drive Angry 3D (2011)

Exploitation films are an acquired taste. Much like fermented tofu, you either love it or find the very idea disgusting (most people fall into the latter category). Fortunately, although the inception of VHS-tapes brought an end to the grindhouses and drive-through theaters that catered to such cinema, there are still filmmakers dedicated to the art-form….

Movie Review: Gnomeo & Juliet (2011)

Regardless of what other people say, creativity is the lifeblood of any civilization. You think that without visionaries we’d have computers, automobiles, and toilet paper? No, we’d still be Neanderthals and trust me, wiping your ass with leaves isn’t as appealing as it sounds. Then again, that brings up the question: Where’d all the inventiveness…

Movie Review: Unknown (2011)

Dr. Martin Harris (Liam Neeson) and his wife, Elizabeth (January Jones), are on a plane to Berlin, where he is to hold a presentation at a bio-technology summit funded by Prince Shada (Mido Hamada), a tree-hugging ruler that has attracted the interest of extremists in his country. Upon landing in a very snowy Germany, the…

Movie Review: The Eagle (2011)

In 120 A.D. the Roman army’s Ninth Legion marched into Northern Britain (which was apparently left uninhabited) never to be seen again. In response, Emperor Hadrian built an expansive wall to cut off the north from the rest of his empire. Fast forward 20 years and in the Roman-occupied South, Marcus Aquila (Channing Tatum), the…

Movie Review: I Am Number Four (2011)

Stephanie Meyer is the Antichrist. Because of her damned formula of “girl meets boy, boy turns out to be a freak (albeit a very attractive freak), boy and girl fall in love and decide to have demented demon babies (yes, I went as far as to spoil the end of the Twilight series — sue…

Movie Review: Sanctum (2011)

The unknown is scary for a lot of people (myself included), as I find even the smallest of prospects (i.e., the women’s restroom) to be vast and dangerous. However, some brave souls dream of exploring the unexplored. In fact, some make it their life’s work; one example being deep-sea divers, who find pleasure in discerning…

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