The character of Machete has been swirling around in the warped mind of Robert Rodriguez for at least nine years (he made his cinematic debut in Spy Kids, of all things!). Seemingly just an interesting bit character, things changed after monstrous buzz was received from the fake movie trailer that was patched into Grindhouse. [...]

Parody films have steadily gotten worse and worse — the lure of the quick and easy buck has severely outpaced the need for inventive writing, good directing and skilled comedic acting. All one has to do is write up an ill-conceived plot that revolves around a current trend, toss in a bunch of no-name [...]

The incompatible buddy cop movie has been beaten to death. You can thank Beverly Hills Cop, Lethal Weapon, Rush Hour, their umpteenth sequels and every other knock based off of those movies you can think of for that. Adam McKay, the man behind such comedic wonders as Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy [...]

What’s the first movie you think of when the Roman Empire comes to mind? Was it Gladiator? With its compelling storyline, brutal battles and scantily clad women, it’s hard for it not to be. Well, there is no resemblance to that in Neil Marshall’s foray into this subject and time period. [...]

“You are the One.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You must believe in your powers.”
Bad thing happens.
“Oh, okay, I’m the One.”
Yes, I’m paraphrasing and no, I’m not regurgitating the dialogue from The Matrix. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, the new Jerry Bruckheimer produced Disney film is.
The guy trying to do the convincing is Balthazar (Nicolas Cage), [...]

The life of a musician, no matter how good it may seem in a music video (Lord knows how long and I hard I prayed to be a member of Mötley Crüe), it is no picnic — there is a shitload of behind the scenes work to do and more pitfalls than Pitfall Harry could [...]

Close your eyes. Transport yourself back to 1987. The high energy and surprisingly entertaining movie Predator has torn up the box office. A sequel has to follow. But in this alternate reality, Predator 2 never gets made. Neither do those abysmal Alien vs. Predator flicks. Now open your eyes. [...]

I think, unless the product is a bankable franchise like Harry Potter or, God forbid, the Twilight saga, the future of cinema is in family friendly computer animated movies. Disney/Pixar blazoned the trail with fantastic imagery and strong underlying stories (Up, Toy Story 3, to name a few). DreamWorks Animation followed suit with [...]

I’m a middle aged guy (balding, beer belly, etc.), so I’ll admit it: I don’t get this whole Twilight phenomenon. Sparkly vampires and bare-chested werewolves fawning over a human, high school girl who isn’t that hot just don’t mix well with my testosterone (I can’t figure out how it mixes well with estrogen either, [...]

There’s an old saying in life that I believe was attributed to Confucius on his deathbed. It said, “Throwing a lot of spice at shit doesn’t make shit not shit.” Okay, maybe he didn’t actually say that, but he (or someone of equal magnitude) should have. Anyways, that quote is pertinent to [...]

Then: The A-Team, an 80s television show good for pathetically bad stories, overall bad acting, a shitload of random explosions, gun battles in which no one gets shot, and the rise of a mohawked bad-ass Mr. T (a man, by the way, that had no right to find himself in that situation). It [...]

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about Robin Hood the latest telling of the fabled defender of the poor. On one hand, it is a nice change of pace to see the legendary archer bloodied and dirtied — no finely penciled mustaches or tailored suits (ala Errol Flynn). On the other hand, [...]

The antics of Russell Brand is an acquired taste. There isn’t much in ways of middle ground with him — either both his lewdness and outrageousness is funny or it’s not. The way around this love him / hate him relationship was done masterfully in Forgetting Sarah Marshall — he was relegated [...]

The road to box office success for movies based off of video games is potholed and strewn with broken down, bombed out carcasses (remember BloodRayne and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale?).That doesn’t, however, stop the mostly concept-bankrupt power brokers of Hollywood from churning them, and films based off of [...]

How many of us have thought about how things would be have turned out had we made a different choice? It’s a rhetorical question, of course — we all have at one time or another (you’re only lying to yourself if you say otherwise). And so, seeing as it makes a great plot [...]

How many years has it been since we, the movie going public, have been graced with the stylings of Jennifer Lopez on the big screen? Two years? Seven? The correct answer is four. The other correct answer is: “Not nearly long enough. Not by a long shot.” The Back-up [...]

I want one of those super computers that create 3D images in real space that you can interact with — expand/collapse models, move them here and there, zoom in for close look and then out again for a macroscopic vantage — not because I actually have anything important to do, but because Tony Stark spends [...]

If you could see me as I’m writing this review for Cop Out you’d see that I’m laughing my ass off. Not because the latest incompatible cop buddy movie which pairs Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan together is funny — oh no my friend — I’m laughing because this film is so far from [...]

The scene: Ogden Marsh, a peaceful Midwestern town of ~1,000 where everyone knows everyone and it is safe to keep the doors unlocked and windows open at night. Certainly not the place one would ever imagine a neighbor ruthlessly killing another. And that is what makes The Crazies all the more creepy. [...]

The 1970s were more than just about polyester bell bottom pants, experimentation with mind altering drugs or unprotected group sex (or was that the 60s?). Whatever the case, I’m quite sure it was the time of the blaxsploitation film. Stereotypical black characters (pimps, pushers, thugs, etc.) in stereotypical locations (ghetto and/or other urban [...]

Even with the much publicized production upheavals (directorial changes, reshoots and pretty much everything else that could be altered at the most inopportune moment) plaguing The Wolfman, is it too much to ask to ask for a movie that, while drawing inspiration from its 1941 source, retools — in inventive ways, mind you — the [...]

Within the first ten minutes of my viewing of When in Rome, I knew the next 81 minutes of my life were going to be painful and feel like an eternity. Repeatedly, I had to remind myself that there had to be a comedic or romantic moment hidden away somewhere in the bowels of [...]

For those of you who, with bated breath, have been waiting years for Mel Gibson’s triumphant return to the movies, your wait has come to an end. He’s back, post 2006’s drunken anti-semantic rants, in the new crime thriller Edge of Darkness. For those of you who wished he would have just stayed [...]

Via my forced high school readings of a novel or two and landing on a movie during a bored late night channel surf, I’m not surprised I remember very little of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s creation Sherlock Holmes. Literally, the only things that come to mind are: He was a condescending bastard who smoked [...]

Legion is the second movie in so many weeks with a theme riddled with supposed religious overtones (The Book of Eli being the other). Instead, however, of delving into the way spiritual power can lift the hopes of the downtrodden, first time director Scott Stewart’s vehicle delves into how the power of God can [...]

Maybe you’re like me, wondering why 9 out of 10 post apocalyptic visions of the world are barren wastelands with bands of miscreants marauding little bands of honest folk with little to no hope. Then again, maybe you’re not. No matter, The Book of Eli, follows along a similar route to that of [...]

Michael Ruppert is a jaded, frightened, lonely man. He didn’t choose to be this way; the path he believes was chosen for him has forced him into a life of exile. You see Michael Ruppert is, for lack of a better term, a conspiracy theorist, an alarmist who connects dots of greed, power [...]

Credit, in some form, has to be given to Terry Gilliam for actually getting his much anticipated The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus completed. Anticipated, not necessarily because the world needed another Time Bandits or The Adventures of Baron Munchausen type movie but because Heath Ledger, the film’s lead died halfway through filming.
I’m not sure [...]

To think after the undeserved success of Alvin and the Chipmunks that a sequel wouldn’t be made, you would be considered a madman. The only surprise to be found is it took two years to concoct one. You’d think, however, with all that extra time, an interesting premise could have been formulated. [...]

Did You Hear About the Morgans?, the latest romantic comedy from director Marc Lawrence purports to be one of those cutesy, funny things happen when two people are put into foreign or uncomfortable positions kind of films. It succeeds in putting its stars Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker in stupid situations. It [...]

With Star Trek, Gene Rodenberry sought to “seek out new worlds and to boldly go where no man has gone before.” With the $300,000,000 bombshell that is Avatar, James Cameron can proudly stand with Peter Jackson (remember his little Lord of the Rings trilogy?) and proclaim he too has gone where none have gone [...]

Ask most and they’ll say American Pie Presents Band Camp is the worst of the straight to DVD offerings from the heavily diluted American Pie franchise. Today I can, with a heavy heart, proclaim American Pie Presents: The Book of Love to be the worst of the worst. Thoroughly unimaginative, not even [...]

Contrary to what many critics are saying, Sandra Bullock does not give the performance of her lifetime in the heartstring puller of a movie The Blind Side. She carries herself just fine as a dramatic leading lady, but aside from perfecting her Southern accent, her role doesn’t exactly break her out of her comfort [...]

Clint Eastwood’s latest cinematic opus Invictus meshes the strength and unifying power of sports with the uncertainty of political change. Based on the book “Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela and the Game that Made a Nation” by John Carlin, Eastwood tries to neatly wrap the tumultuous rise of Nelson Mandela to South African power [...]

No doubt about it, when I saw the announcement that Columbia and Sony Pictures were going to release a movie based on out-takes and rehearsals of Michael Jackson’s much anticipated London tour, I figured it was nothing more than a money grab to profit on the singer’s untimely death. Since seeing it, I am [...]

To be perfectly honest, I don’t think Armored ever had a chance of being a stellar action movie. Ah hell — I don’t think it had a chance of being much of anything. To come to that conclusion all I needed to see were these simple facts:

It starred the likes of Laurence Fishburne [...]

Don’t be fooled by the trailers for Up in the Air. It may seem like a formulaic romantic comedy. It’s not. Not by a long shot. Jason Reitman, following up his Juno breakthrough, has put together a finely developed and many times amusing story about choices — both personal and professional [...]

If you’re wondering (and you know you are) what a movie strictly built around the use of special effects looks like, look no further than 2012. It’s got a backstory that was clearly etched on a wet napkin during a drinking binge at the local Applebee’s after director Roland Emmerich discussed the idea [...]

For the most part, and don’t dare ask me why, American audiences have become mesmerized with the anime sensation that has swallowed up Saturday morning cartoons with lazy animation and piss poor stories. Why have I mentioned this morsel of worthlessness? So I can come to this conclusion of course:
Kids love anime. [...]

This is the 30th revision of my review for Antichrist and if I thought any more about it, I’d probably revise it twenty more times. Lars von Trier has easily put forth the most deeply symbolic and deeply scarring “Hitchcockian-like” horror film in decades. He has literally slapped the face of convention [...]

Catherine Zeta-Jones has undoubtedly crossed that threshold that separates the young from the old — no matter how many pilates classes she takes or face pulls she has performed. So it’s no wonder the spin on her latest romantic comedy The Rebound is that of an older woman hooking up with a much, [...]

First time director Peter Billingsley (you may remember him as Ralphie in A Christmas Story) picked the wrong film to make his directorial debut on. Even with big names signed on and a successful raunch-comedy template in place, Couples Retreat fails to deliver the big laughs, hell, if I’m being honest, it pretty much [...]

Isolationism, claustrophobia and delirium are motherfuckers — especially when they’re mixed together with the darkness of space. Pandorum is word roughly devised to describe this scenario and director Christian Alvart hopes his movie of the same name can scare the shit out of you because of it. It can’t.
Not for any reason other [...]

There are 32 rules, as of this writing, to ensure survival from a zombie infestation. That is of course if you want to believe what “Columbus” (Jesse Eisenberg), a young awkward kid who just so happens to find himself surviving a zombie plague in the latest undead flick Zombieland, has to say.
Your best to [...]

Taking the projection of oneself one step further in the digital realm than the abysmal online world of Second Life does, Surrogates imagines a world where true 3D representations move about in the world in place of the living and breathing. Why risk actually interacting with others when one can sit comfortably at the [...]

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is one of those enlightening pick me up kind of movies great for a rainy day. It’s great for the kids too. This 3D animated adventure, based on a popular children’s book by Judi and Ron Barrett, delivers a “never give up on your dreams” message in [...]

I swear, one can make a movie about absolutely anything, get Megan Fox to star in it and they can retire in the lap of luxury. Ordinary men, you see, don’t give a rat’s ass about whether the movie in question is any good; they just want to see a super hot chick in [...]

The requisite elements are all in place for the raunchy comedy The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard to succeed. You’ve got the ridiculous storyline of a car lot needing to do anything to sell off its entire inventory over the Fourth of July long weekend. They’re so desperate, owner Ben Selleck (James Brolin) [...]

In the not so distant future, mankind is all but eliminated from the face of the Earth. In the similar fashion as the Terminator films, man built machines that ultimately led to his and all of life’s eradication. Man may be gone, however, but in his place are miniature ragdoll-like puppet creatures imbued [...]

The benefit of the doubt was given to Mike Judge just because I am such a huge fan of his cult classic Office Space (and to a lesser extent Beavis and Butt-Head). I won’t be doing that again. His latest poke at corporate life through the eyes of the everyday man, Extract, [...]

If you’re a fan of Quentin Tarantino’s hip and generally longwinded diatribes, strap your helmet on — Inglorious Basterds is your call to arms (you’ll just have to learn how to enjoy hearing it in French, German and other European flavors). If you’re not a fan of his character’s pontifications — so what — [...]

After 100 rewrites and multiple directors, it was impossible to not think the absolute worst of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Not screening for critics didn’t help the cause either. The reason for our occlusion became abundantly clear after viewing — those rewrites and reshoots added up to nothing more than expensive [...]

The already darkening skies encompassing the world of Harry Potter have darkened further in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the sixth installment of the wildly popular movie franchise. Long gone is the baby-faced innocence our would-be wizards once had when they first entered Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There is now [...]

Oil meet water. Water, this is oil. The two of you don’t mix well, I know, but amazingly enough, you have more chemistry between the two of you than do the leads of The Proposal. Sure, the premise of the film is initially setup that way, but even after their heart felt [...]

Hayden Panettiere is a rising young star, no doubt. From watching I Love You, Beth Cooper you wouldn’t know it. Adapted from a book of the same name by Larry Doyle, this movie embraces all the cliches you know and love (or hate) from the teen romantic comedy grab bag offering little else [...]

Yeah. Anyone thinking Brüno was going to be another innocent, simplistic and moronic adventure through the American heartland like Borat was, is in for a rude awakening. Sure, Sacha Baron Cohen pokes major fun at the idiosyncracies of “regular” Americans but he does it with a much more perverse and provocative attitude than [...]

It didn’t take long for me to realize that after a cute intro involving Scrat the sabertoothed squirrel, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs was the worst of the Fox animated trilogy. While it still has its cutesy characters — wooly mammoths Ellie (voiced by Queen Latifah) and Manny (voiced by Ray Romano), sloth [...]

A new spin on the disease of the week Lifetime movie has been scripted by Jeremy Leven and Nick Cassavetes (based on the best-selling novel by Jodi Picoult) in My Sister’s Keeper. Instead of just tossing about how a family copes with a sick or dying loved one, this adds in a twist [...]

I was recently invited to fly out to Las Vegas in September to join 20 or so guys for a weekend bachelor party. I declined, recalling that the last time I went out west to Sin City, I “misplaced” five hours of my life (people I was drinking with said I was quite the [...]

Yes, I know I’m several months late with my review of Miss March. No matter, for all it’s worth the movie could have just as easily been titled Miss June. Actually, now that I’m finally writing this, it should have been called Miss-ed Opportunity — what could have been a raunch filled teen [...]

Isn’t the fact that gypsies smell like cabbage and bring down the value of your house if they move into your neighborhood enough of a reason to hate them? Apparently not — Sam Raimi has given us another reason to dislike them: They’ll cast a hex on you if you shame them. [...]

Admit it, you’re just like me — you really had no idea what Disney Pixar’s latest animated adventure, Up was about. For me, all I knew was it had a grumpy old man, a fat kid, a talking dog and a colorful bird in it. Oh yeah, how could I forget, there was [...]

Leave it the Brits to throw a spot of humor into the realm of horror movies again. Shaun of the Dead relentlessly poked fun at zombies in 2004 and in doing so made Simon Pegg a star here in the states. Lesbian Vampire Killers isn’t going to make anyone a household name — [...]

Even though I couldn’t stand it, the original Night At the Museum was at least original and had a “cuteness” factor to it. Oh, and how could I forget — it made a shitload of money worldwide too. But was it really so great that it needed a sequel? Of course not, but [...]

Just because Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t the focal point in Terminator: Salvation is no reason to fret and sign the death certificate on an impressive movie franchise. The final product, while very different from the three previous installments, still packs plenty of punch in both the alternate reality and ass-kicking action fronts.
The main differentiator here [...]

What do you get when you mix science fiction’s amazing anti-matter with the Catholic Church? No, it isn’t Scientology (although that is a good guess). You get Angels & Demons, the long awaited follow-up to The Da Vinci Code. This time around the pews, instead of hunting down Opus Dei and poking [...]

Fap fap fap fap. Whirrrrrrr. Fap fap fap fap. Whirrrrrr. I’m not going to explicitly tell you what those sounds represent. What I will tell you is they go in conjunction with what men, ages 18 to 50, will do when they catch a glimpse of a naked Jessica Biel in [...]

I didn’t think I would ever say it this is my lifetime, but it looks like the science fiction obsessed, dressing up and convention going social outcasts known as Trekkies are now getting their due. J.J. Abrams has finally dropped Star Trek into the theaters, a movie which may be the most highly anticipated [...]

Can the romantic comedy genre be out of steam? To me, it sure seems that way when:

Matthew McConaughey is once again chalked up to be the leading man.
The bottom of the barrel is scraped by stealing the plot devices of A Christmas Carol to tell the story.

In a sentence, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is [...]

Finally. The only interesting character in the X-Men universe has his own movie. No, I’m not referring to Cyclops (although I wouldn’t mind seeing some footage with him and Jean Grey getting down to business). I’m talking about X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the long awaited Wolverine flick that, whether good or bad, will [...]

When Russell Crowe appears in a movie looking like a holdover from the early 70’s — long hair, gruffy beard and a pot belly — good things are usually afoot (his last few roles: Body of Lies and American Gangster have shown us that). Hollywood has obviously taken notice too, as he combines all [...]

With a name like Fighting, a movie had better come fully equipped with the goods. That means more bare-handed, mixed martial arts than should be allowed by law. That means more broken bones, cuts, abrasions and black eyes than I care to see. Instead, Dito Montiel directed an implausible, predictable movie that [...]

Who knew mall security personnel were so much of an in thing in 2009? First Kevin James brought us Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Now Seth Rogen dons the blue uniform and tin badge for Observe and Report. Whereas James’ portrayal of a wannabe cop was very innocent and PG in nature, Rogen’s [...]

Wonders never cease. I didn’t think it was possible to create a more adrenaline fueled, mind twistingly deranged action film than Crank. Oh, how wrong I was. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor have upped the levels of their previous creation fifty-fold with Crank: High Voltage and, in doing so, created a movie [...]

After watching Dragonball Z on Cartoon Network years ago, I became hooked and ended up buying the entire series on DVD. As for the original Dragonball series, I wasn’t such a fan (even though I bought much of it, too). As a consequence, I wasn’t exactly overwhelmed with anticipation to see Dragonball Evolution [...]

As much as I like to eat my Count Chocula cereal in the morning, I don’t want to eat it every morning — I need some variety. Same goes for my comedies. As much as I like Paul Rudd, I don’t want to see him in every joke-filled movie I see either. [...]

If memory serves me right, I cried the night Buster Douglas knocked Mike Tyson out. I wept because the man, in the ring, was poetry in motion and to watch it all come to an end that fateful night in 1990 was a difficult pill to swallow. Of course, I didn’t realize quite [...]

The pickings must be slim for Vin Diesel and Paul Walker these days. How else can you explain why they would come back to star in Fast and Furious when they left the series on high notes after The Fast and the Furious eight years ago? You can’t, and this half-hearted attempt to [...]

Let’s all admit it, taking shots at Nicolas Cage’s latest acting gigs has been about as much fun as catching fish in a barrel — it’s fun for a moment, but it’s too damn easy and one quickly gets bored with it. But hey, he deserved it — Bangkok Dangerous and Ghost Rider, to [...]

DreamWorks Animation has steadily been trying to chip away at the animation throne held by Pixar Animation Studios for years. To their credit, they’ve had more successes (Kung Fu Panda and the Shrek series being the most notable) than failures (think Bee Movie). The latest weapon in their arsenal for animated supremacy comes [...]

One of my regrets in life was not scoring with any of the cheerleaders at my high school. Actually, I didn’t score with near enough girls at my school, but that is another story altogether. In Fired Up!, best friends Shawn (Nicholas D’Agosto) and Nick (Eric Christian Olsen) don’t appear to be plagued [...]

Am I crazy or is Elizabeth Banks the new hot commodity in Hollywood? From where I sit, it seems as if she’s starring in nearly every movie made! Usually, however, she can be seen in some form of a comedy. Not in the The Uninvited. She sets aside the granny panties [...]

There are several reasons I don’t venture out to the woods for week long drunken camping trips. One, sleeping on the ground is not comfortable. We invented the box spring mattress for a reason. Two, I have an extreme dislike to the thought of becoming grizzly bear food. Three, well the [...]

Remember when Steve Martin was a comic genius? No? Me either, although technically I still categorize him as one. His last major foray onto the big screen was The Pink Panther in 2006 (last year’s cameo in Baby Mama doesn’t count) and before that it was in the ever forgettable Cheaper by [...]

With the rousing power Sex in the City is said to have brought to women (I wouldn’t know, I never saw the

I can’t claim to have seen any of the movies in the “Air Bud” series (Air Bud: World Pup, Air Bud: Spikes Back, Snow Buddies and 50 others) but if they’re anywhere near as bad as this latest installment, I’m glad I can’t make that claim.
Here is a rundown of my viewing experience of Space [...]

There are several kisses of death a movie franchise may experience, including, but not limited to:

The original writing/directing team deciding to move on to other projects
The main actor or actress in the franchise deciding to not be involved in the latest project
The decision to make a prequel
Casting Paris Hilton to star in the film

In the [...]

With a name like Tokyo Gore Police, it was simply impossible for me to not want to see this movie. And in some perverse way (locked away deep in the recesses of my mind), I’m glad that I did. The Japanese have singlehandedly fine tuned the art of making freakishly bizarre cult movies [...]

Is Kevin James the heir apparent to Chris Farley? He’s funny and fat — the two major necessities needed to make that claim are in place. However, I’m not ready to hand the torch to him just yet, especially since I wasn’t exactly a huge fan of his last big screen outing (I [...]

For those of you craving Jim Carrey in all his glorious wackiness from yesteryear, your fix has arrived in the form of Yes Man. Or has it? On closer inspection, it appears to have a humdrum seen-it-before storyline which includes an inconceivable romance with a girl half his age. On second thought, [...]

I’m not entirely sure why there is a run on “based on a true story” World War II movies as of late, but the newest of the bunch is Defiance. This one doesn’t delve into an assassination plot to kill Hitler (see Valkyrie for that), nor does it tell the tale of an all [...]

I almost choked on my popcorn while watching Bride Wars. It wasn’t because every other minute I was laughing and kernels kept getting lodged in my throat. Nope, it was because I couldn’t believe I was witnessing Anne Hathaway follow up her acclaimed work in Rachel Getting Married with such a terrible performance [...]

The Wrestler is a movie that hits close to home. No, I have never been a professional wrestler and neither has anyone in my family. I did however have a friend who was heavily involved in the promotional business of the WWF many years ago. Trust me when I say that 95% [...]

Everyone should know what they’re good at. For some they know early on in life, for others it can take some time. Tiger Woods as a child knew golf was his calling. Donald Trump, in his twenties, gravitated towards real estate. Seann William Scott, well, he realized he’s good at playing [...]

There was a time, in the not so distant past, when anything Tom Cruise starred in was a bonafide hit. His recent bizarre social etiquette seems to have changed that as 2007’s Lions for Lambs attests to. Deciding to follow that up with the obscure German war thriller Valkyrie surely isn’t the way [...]

To think a harrowing story about feral Indian brothers and their trials to reach manhood would be sneaking up to possibly steal a best picture Oscar. Such is the case with Slumdog Millionaire — a craftily told story (based on the novel Q & A by Vikas Swarup) that, through some major grit and [...]

The “Twinkie Defense” (i.e., junk food made me do it) has to rank right up on top of the absurdity chart alongside the “Chewbacca Argument”. The difference between the two: the Chewbacca defense was an extraordinary concept put forth from the minds of the genius creators of South Park. The Twinkie defense, well [...]

When I think of a grumpy old man, I think of none other than Walter Mathau. But after watching Clint Eastwood’s latest movie Gran Torino, I realize the scale that had Mathau on the top requires some adjustment. Eastwood takes the stodgy, miserable, old prick to new heights.
At year 78, he’s brought his [...]

Weighing in at a very long two hours, Seven Pounds has certainly set itself up to be this year’s heart wrenching opus of personal forgiveness and redemption. It also sets the stage for Will Smith to once again prove that he’s, gulp, one of the more accomplished actors of my generation.
He is Ben Thomas, [...]

Having mildly enjoyed The Punisher restart four years ago (try and forget the original Dolph Lundgren debacle), I was interested to see how Hollywood was going to grow the character of Frank Castle further in Punisher: War Zone. Inexplicably, the franchise has regressed into a form that defies conventional words.
Okay, maybe there is a [...]

Those annoyingly emboldened tree-huggers of America must be having one hell of a circle jerk over the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. How lucky for them that another big budget Hollywood production has taken on their cause (The Happening being another that comes to mind)!
But let me get this straight, an [...]

If you were to do a Google search right now for the movie posters of The Transporter and Transporter 2 and then compared them to the poster to the right of this review (in that little box thingy), what similarities do you see? That’s right; they’re nearly exact carbon copies of one another. [...]

Vince Vaughn may be the best straight man in comedy films today. And it seems he’s caught the Christmas bug, as for the second year in a row he finds himself in a comedy centered around the Christmas holiday. Last year it was the surprisingly funny, yet critically dismissed Fred Claus. This [...]

Step to the side Krypto, you’re not the only superdog in town. At least that’s what we’re initially led to believe in Disney’s new animated offering Bolt. After all, the dog has powers that enable him to outrun helicopters and motorcycles, lay waste to any objects in his way and incapacitate people with [...]

Writing a book or screenplay with vampires in it has got to be one of the easiest gigs around. These mysterious and charming undead basically lend themselves to just about any scenario possible — generally making said scenario that much more intriguing (its got a vampire in it, duh!). Proof in point: Twilight. [...]

What movie stars Brad Pitt as a clueless fitness instructor, George Clooney as a shallow adulterous womanizer, John Malkovich as an angry, alcoholic would-be writer and Frances McDormand as a woman with low self esteem looking for love in all the wrong places? If you guessed Burn After Reading, you’d have earned yourself a [...]

I can’t help but think I’ve seen Role Models before. My reasons for thinking this isn’t because I’ve actually seen the movie before. It’s because the cast of this idiotic buddy film is the same as every other crude, idiotic comedy in the last few years (thanks for that, Judd Apatow). After [...]

You just knew the sequel Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa was in the coming. Not only because New Yorker animals Alex the lion (voiced by Ben Stiller), Melman the giraffe (voiced by David Schwimmer), Marty the zebra (voiced by Chris Rock) and Gloria the hippo (voiced by Jada Pinkett Smith) were stranded on an island [...]

A rejuvenated James Bond is back for his 22nd feature film: Quantum of Solace. Building upon the blocks laid down in 2006’s Casino Royale, this movie further “evolves” the Bond experience — presenting itself strictly as a kick-ass, take no prisoners action movie, leaving in the dust the nuances that set 007 apart from [...]

Kevin Smith and I are one and the same. Well, in reality he’s a tad fatter and shorter, and not nearly as handsome as I am, but we do share the same thought processes. Because of that, I’ve been a fan of his quick-witted, vulgar-laden writing for years so I couldn’t wait to [...]

It may not be such a rarity these days for a premise with a central character to make its way to a sequel or even a trilogy. Something has to be said when a film franchise gets into the higher number of installments — a pentalogy is certainly worth some praise. That, however, [...]

To say I was stunned, shocked and dumbfounded after my viewing of Max Payne would be a bit harsh. I was, however, certainly disappointed in what I saw. No, not because another popular video game had become a casualty of a poor Hollywood interpretation, but because, for all intents and purposes, it didn’t [...]

Shame on me for not doing a background check on the latest horror film out of Hollywood, Quarantine. If I had, I would have noticed it was a remake of the foreign horror film [Rec], which, incredibly, is still currently enjoying a cinematic release overseas. That’s right, they didn’t even wait until the [...]

“Welcome to Guantanamo”, Al-Saleem says to Roger Ferris before he crushes his fingers with a hammer. It is an excruciatingly tense scene that would have gone a lot farther without the obvious shot at the current political landscape. But aside from that, I’ll give Ridley Scott credit; he deftly avoided making the same [...]

When I first saw the trailers for The Rocker, I knew I had to see it. No, not because as a kid I had dreams of one day being a world famous rock star who had to fight incredibly sexy girls off with a stick (even though I did have those fantasies). Actually, [...]

There are few writers and/or directors who can successfully intertwine remarkable, seemingly unrelated characters and side stories in a coherent fashion. In the states, Quentin Tarantino, of Pulp Fiction fame, takes the honors. Across the pond, the award goes to Guy Richie, whose body of work contains such memorable films like Snatch. and [...]

War. There are countless reasons for them to be waged and I don’t pretend to know a damn thing about any of them. What I do I understand, however, is along with war comes great sacrifice and loss. Fifty Dead Men Walking is a film set in Belfast during the late 80’s [...]

Miniature dogs may be the most annoying creatures on earth. At first I felt that way because they all tend to have that “yip-yip” bark that can drive any sane person crazy within seconds. Recently a new, more pronounced and powerful reason to hate them has emerged — the super rich dress them [...]

Yes, we know Big Brother is watching us. He’s been watching us for a very long, long time — the digital age and relentless media exposure just makes it that much more in your face. And just like when the internet was the new great unknown, Hollywood tried to capitalize on the horrors [...]

As much as I like myself a steady diet of violence in my movies, I’m mostly unimpressed with the whole “torture-porn” phenomenon. It’s not the glorification that I take issue with; it’s more about the difficulty in putting together a half-way decent movie around the concept. Only Saw with its ingenious contraptions [...]

There are few guarantees in life — you’re going to die someday, you’ve got to pay your taxes, no good can come from smoking methamphetamine, and Spike Lee will make a movie that, at its core, has deep, driving racial overtones. Yep, that’s right boys and girls, it is a sure-fire guarantee that Spike [...]

There is always something inherently funny when people act or appear different from the norm. I’d say watching grown men move about in pink Easter Bunny costumes fits the bill rather well. Does that premise deserve a full length feature film to explore though? Probably not, but it exists in the form [...]

Lakeview Terrace is the latest film that preys upon every homeowner’s worst fear — their neighbor is an off balance jackass with a chip on his or her shoulder. Taking that premise slightly further, the film’s nut-job also happens to be an angry black guy who also happens to be a decorated police officer.
The [...]

It’s not everyday that two of the more respected and admired actors in Hollywood share equal billing in a film. To be honest, I can’t even recall the last time it occurred. So when I caught wind that Robert De Niro and Al Pacino were starring together in the new crime thriller Righteous [...]

What happens when the ego of a stuck-up little princess from Malibu gets a little too big for her Dolce & Gabbana tote? Why, her daddy sends her clear across the world to a British boarding school, of course! And that’s exactly what does happen to poor old Poppy when she finally pushes [...]

I saw the commercial for College and the 18-year old inside of me perked right up. Rampant underage binge drinking and young perky breasts bouncing about swam through my head like sugar-fairies. Yet when I finally sat down to watch it, I noticed Drake Bell from Nickelodeon’s kid show Drake & Josh was [...]

To this day I am still baffled by the concept that Nicolas Cage crossed over to become an action movie star. More often than not, he’s starred in some real clunkers and based off of the fact Bangkok Dangerous is a remake of a Thai film of the same name and not screened for [...]

Some say there is biker blood coarsing through my veins. I can’t imagine why — I’ve only got a Harley, tats running up and down my arms and I run several meth labs in the suburbs. I also dig biker flicks. Even more, I like films in which Quentin Tarantino has had a [...]

Hollywood hasn’t been kind to Vin Diesel. His last movies haven’t done too well at the box-office, so it wasn’t much of a surprise for him to want to return to the science fiction genre that spawned his career a decade or so ago (remember Pitch Black?). Good for him, as I’m sure [...]

Do we really have to go through this again? Apparently so, because the boys behind such hits like Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans (yes, I am being facetious) are at it again with Disaster Movie. With a name like that did you think they were peering into the future?
I certainly thought so [...]

Six years ago the Hollywood remake of The Ring was one hell of an awakening to the freakish world of J-Horror (Japanese Horror) films. The Grudge, while not as good as the aforementioned, was pretty eerie as well. A semi-steady stream of crap like One Missed Call and the more recent The [...]

Hollywood has stooped to a new low. Sure we’re used to the studios producing some lousy movies. And lately we’ve gotten our fair share of remakes. With Death Race, Universal Pictures has combined the two! That’s right, the “classic” Roger Corman flick Death Race 2000 needed a semi-serious updating.
Okay, Death Race [...]

I can’t think of any board-type games that have had rousing success when crossed over into film. From my limited scope, only a few attempts like Clue and Dungeons and Dragons even come to mind. And seeing that at least two higher priced productions didn’t fare particularly well, there wasn’t much hope going [...]

I don’t know what else to say other than I was dumbfounded when I first caught sight of the trailers for George Lucas’ latest tale in his storied Star Wars franchise – Star Wars: The Clone Wars. The blocky, animated characters looked God awful. The minimal amount of dialogue I heard sounded corny. [...]

It is official. At the age of five, my children hate me. How did I come to this conclusion? Simple, they dragged me to see Space Chimps, that’s how. I tried repeatedly to convince them they’d rather see Pineapple Express to no avail. In the end though, I think they [...]

After seeing the advertisements for Step Brothers, two immediate thoughts raced into my head. One, thank goodness Will Ferrell wasn’t doing another sports comedy; I don’t think I could have stomached another one so soon after the Semi-Pro debacle. Two, the movie looked so retardedly stupid, it was either going to be brilliant [...]

Not sure about you, but I can barely recollect anything of note from the The Mummy Returns or the original The Mummy that would necessitate a third installment. But I guess that is why I am not a producer of big budget films, because apparently there was something there that absolutely needed to be [...]

Ten years since their first big screen foray (The X Files) and six since they went off the television airwaves, Scully and Mulder return to the silver screen in The X-Files: I Want to Believe. I’m not entirely sure what enticed the studio to come up with this so late (was there a huge [...]

There’s a new action star in town and it isn’t anyone you would immediately suspect. Does the name Liam Neeson ring a bell? Yes, the same guys who has primarily played the nondescript role for the majority of his career has found his John McClane as Bryan in the French action, quasi-thriller Taken.
Surprisingly, [...]

You’re among friends so I promise I won’t laugh at you. You know you’ve secretly wanted to see a musical set to the songs of Swedish super group ABBA. Okay maybe not, but at least admit you’ve always yearned to hear the singing voice of Pierce Brosnan and Meryl Streep. No to [...]

Eddie Murphy is one of those actors that has always perplexed me. Does he want to be taken as a serious actor (Dreamgirls would make it seem so) or does he want to put out mindless popular trash like Norbit? Well, with Meet Dave, I guess he’s answered my question – trash is [...]

Considering the terrible tax situation Wesley Snipes got himself in, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s resorted to doing movies, that for the most part, would have been considered unworthy of his “action-star prowess” during his heyday (which I say was around the time of Blade). But a man’s got to his [...]

Although most of my fellow critics bashed the shit out of it, I simply had to see for myself if Mike Myers’ zany antics in The Love Guru were really as bad as they made it out to be. They’re not. And while it is by far not his best work to date, [...]

Never heard of Miss Conception? No worries. I never heard of it either before today. It’s a little low-key romantic comedy – so quiet, in fact, it was filmed and released first in the U.K. before making a limited appearance here in the states. The only reason I found it was [...]

Idea. Let’s pitch a movie about some unexplainable occurrence that causes people to inexplicably kill themselves. Then M. Night Shyamalan can direct it so people will invariably think there is a monumental twist at the end. And to make it even more eerie and intriguing let’s name it The Happening.
There you have, [...]

The Hulk has arrived and with him comes the first real action blockbuster of the summer. Yeah sure Iron Man made some big waves, but it was short on bone aching action and heavy on sleep inducing backstory. Director Louis Leterrier and screenwriter Zak Penn make the assumption you know who the Hulk is, [...]

If you have ever wondered what it feels like to be punched in the face repeatedly by Mike Tyson in his prime, wonder no more. Adam Sandler, with the help of Robert Smigel and, gulp, Judd Apatow, have in all of their infinite wit and wisdom provided to you, for the measly cost of [...]

Few would argue against the fact that Judd Apatow and Tina Fey are the hottest comedic properties in Hollywood today. So with the success of Apatow’s Knocked Up last year, there was little surprise that its premise (or some form of it) would rear its ugly head again. It has with Baby Mama.
While [...]

Has 1300 years passed already? In the fictional land of Narnia it has and things haven’t been so good for the Narnians since Edmund (Skandar Keynes), Lucy (Georgie Henley), Susan (Anna Popplewell) and Peter (William Moseley) left to return to the real world. Actually, saying things haven’t been so good is a bit [...]

What do you get when you combine the living dead with exotic dancers? Zombie Strippers! of course! I must say, I’m amazed it took so long to make a film devoted to these two mainstays of American culture. I’ll also say, I wouldn’t have minded if it took a bit longer, because this [...]

Ingenuity is the mother of invention (or something like that). Since movies being harsh on the war in Iraq and on the current administration of the United States have been bombing (no pun intended) stupendously at the box office, writers Mark Leyner, Jeremy Pikser and John Cusack came up with a nifty idea – [...]

We all know what goes in Las Vegas – it’s Sin City after all. You get drunk. You get laid. 80% of the time you gamble away a small fortune. And depending on how long you’re visiting, you do it all over again the following night. Why? Because what [...]

There is but one reason as to why this movie review is so late – I purposely looked to avoid watching Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Even though I consider myself an incestuous lover of sophomoric movies, I just couldn’t consummate the affair with the original Harold & Kumar Go to White [...]

Whoever said Keanu Reeves was a one trick pony (think Matrix trilogy) or very possibly one of the very worst actors of our time, please stand up. After I watched the wannabe cop-thriller Street Kings (I was hoping for a Training Day type of flick), I want to shake your hands. Clearly, Mr. [...]

Holy shitwings Batman, a movie has been made specifically for Paris Hilton (bet you never thought you’d read a movie review start like that before). Somewhere a baby is dying because of this unforgivable offense to mankind. But then again, maybe not. Sure, The Hottie and the Nottie is an affront to [...]

Super smooth George Clooney has taken a break from playing his super smooth role in the successful Oceans series long enough to tackle (no pun intended) Leatherheads, a romantic comedy with a professional football backdrop set in the 1930’s. Aside from being an avid football fan (go Panthers), I was looking forward to seeing [...]

Sometimes you just have to shake your head in disbelief because there isn’t much else you can do. While watching Uma Thurman and Colin Firth stumble their way through the ill-conceived The Accidental Husband, it was literally all I could do (spitting up my drink would have been too messy). This is definitely [...]

Although I’m sure I’ve said it somewhere before, I’ve always found myself rooting for Owen Wilson, even more so since his ill-conceived suicide attempt last year. And even though I wasn’t a huge fan of his first film on his comeback trail (The Darjeeling Limited), I kept my hopes up for his second in [...]

Nim’s Island is the latest addition to the ever growing list of children books that have been adapted to the big screen. This time however, instead of taking place in part or in whole in some fantastical fantasy realm (Harry Potter series, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe), this [...]

If I were to write a 10-second movie review of Superhero Movie it would go something like this:
Unfunny. Unimaginative. Sloppily written, acted and directed. It marks the beginning of Armageddon.
Unfortunately, I don’t publish reviews like that, so I’ll have to force myself to expand on why my above three fragmented sentences and [...]

Somewhere along this rocky road we call life, I’ve taken on the cause for the older generation who refuse to relinquish their youth. My qualifications for this post? I faithfully watch Saturday morning cartoons (even though they’re nothing like those from the old days), I act like a buffoon at the most inopportune [...]

How high can one set their expectations when all the trailers for a movie are about a domesticated pig doing backflips? I suppose you can set them high if the movie was Charlotte’s Web, but surely not about a movie like College Road Trip which is about a girl and her father bonding as [...]

Horton Hears a Who! is number three of Dr. Seuss books brought to the big screen by Hollywood looking for a new avenue to draw cash from. This movie is slightly different from The Cat in the Hat and How the Grinch Stole Christmas though. Whereas those two films were really just vehicles [...]

Wow. That one word is all that is truly needed to complete a movie review of In Bruges, the movie from novice writer and director Martin McDonagh (his short film Six Shooter discounted). The reason for the high praise is simple, he’s taken his cues from Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction) [...]

No doubt writers Harald Kloser and Roland Emmerich (who also directed) had grand plans for 10,000 B.C.. Spectacular visuals supporting a tall tale set in the ancient world point to a movie with epic aspirations along the lines of Apocalypto and Gladiator. Unfortunately, they didn’t do their “homework”, as the movie is littered [...]

Larry the Cable Guy is at his best, a marginally funny stand-up comedian. He is not is any way, shape or form a person with an ounce of acting ability. Witless Protection proves this point conclusively (although this should have been clearly evident when he was cast in Delta Farce).
In this latest mess masquerading [...]

If you want a heist movie with class, you cast George Clooney and Brad Pitt and make a film along the lines of Ocean’s Thirteen (or any of the preceding ones). When you want a gritty, seedy heist movie, you hire the new action kid on the block, Jason Statham and end up with [...]

I feel I’ve seen this movie several times already. Come to think of it, my reviews of Blades of Glory and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby literally capture the same highs and lows as I saw in Semi-Pro. The only differences are a slight adjustment to the cast of supporting actors [...]

Is it me or does it seem like there is a glut of fantasy novels starring children being adapted for the big screen lately? It’s almost as if they’ve become the new hot thing in Tinsletown giving the comic book hero a run for their money (nothing can actually replace them from the top [...]

With a deep breath and high hopes I set out to watch the latest urban “find yourself” movie with a dance/rap backdrop — Step Up 2 the Streets. Why? I’m an optimist and a dreamer, and I firmly believe some day a movie like this will actually be worth the price of an [...]

Charlie Bartlett is one of those movies that leaves me perplexed. I had no preconceived notions about it, other than it looked like it might be funny, and after seeing it I still don’t have a clear opinion about it, other than it should have either been funnier or more dramatic. It’s kinda [...]

On the surface Jumper looks like a movie I’ve been longing for – an action movie that has a character that actually embraces his or her extraordinary talent and uses it in a realistic manner (i.e., not like a superhero). Of course after seeing the movie, it doesn’t quite live up to my expectations.
The [...]

I get the distinct feeling I’ve seen Fool’s Gold before. Tell me if this premise seems even remotely familiar to you: A reckless loser with a hot girlfriend, convinces her to join him on a perilous adventure searching for buried treasure on the ocean floor. Need some help jogging your memory banks? [...]

Martin Lawrence returns from his last half-way decent showing in Wild Hogs to join another all-star cast in Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins. While I don’t doubt his reasons for taking the role (either needed the money or just wanted to get himself into an all black film), I am perplexed as to why some [...]

I’m going to start this movie review by stating what may not be so obvious due to the cast of actors starring in it: Strange Wilderness is not a movie for everyone. Actually it’s not a movie for 90% of the worlds’ population either. It is meant for individuals with a sophomoric sense [...]

Small screen starlet, Eva Longoria Parker has found herself in a starring role in Over Her Dead Body, the second major romantic-comedy release of the year (27 Dresses being the first). I can count two possible reasons why she’s in that position: 1.) The more accomplished romance leads were already tied up in other [...]

Due to my extremely short attention span, I’m guessing the Hollywood raid into the Japanese horror genre started with The Ring. Next on the borrow list was The Grudge. The success of these movies inspired several uninspiring sequels and in 2008, two – yes, two – brand-spanking new copies hit the theaters: One [...]

With the ongoing success of the Saw and the Hostel franchises, it was only a matter of time before the “torture-porn” phenomenon tried to weasel its way into a mainstream movie. Hollywood, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to take what was a horror-boys fantasy and legitimize it by throwing an established actress like [...]

Holy viral marketing campaign, Batman. Cloverfield, the latest production from J.J. Abrams (best known for Lost and Alias), may be the most hyped movie of the decade. It was pure genius – the whole country had vivid images of the Statue of Liberty’s head rolling down the Avenue of the Americas for weeks prior [...]

With very little on the cinematic horizon for the young ones, I decided to take the boys to see the only game in town that met their demographic: The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie. I really had zero interest in this but that didn’t stop the kids from wanting to see [...]

The staple of any good romantic comedy is the chemistry between the leading lady and leading man. This is highlighted by most movies starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail) and 90% of the films starring Matthew McConaughey or Hugh Grant (mostly because these guys can have instant [...]

Do you remember the days when Ice Cube was a tough guy, gangster rapper with N.W.A.? How about when he crossed over into the world of cinema with the critically acclaimed Boyz n the Hood? If you don’t recall any of those times, then you’ve clearly missed out on the best of what [...]

I’m late with the movie review, I know. I’ve resisted seeing Juno because I had trouble visualizing a female Napoleon Dynamite-like character. Could the bizarre, backwards character immortalized by Jon Heder be improved upon? Should it even have been attempted? The answers to those questions are: It certainly can be [...]

I’ve broken a cardinal rule. I watched The Ungodly based solely on the fact it had a cool sounding title. The name conjured up thoughts of pure, unadulterated evil and in the current shitty mood I’m in, it seemed like a perfect way to embrace my aggravation. But, I’ve been around long [...]

I’m going to cut right to the point — any movie that starts with Marisa Tomei taking it doggy-style is more than okay in my book. I have no clue what switch director Sidney Lumet flicked to get her to sacrifice in such a way for her craft (probably the same one Marc Forster [...]

Every so often a movie comes along that you can identify with on some personal level. For me watching an unassuming Congressman from the 2nd Congressional District of Texas, who likes to party hearty with booze and other assorted drugs, and hook-up with strippers and other assorted women was like looking in a mirror. [...]

Sowing their oats on the mammoth success of Superbad and Knocked Up (although I wasn’t overly impressed with it) earlier this year, the Judd Apatow team of writers and actors figured to lower the standards of the biography genre with Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. Just with the name, you know full well [...]

Rob Reiner has surfaced again, directing arguably two of the most accomplished actors of our time: Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The vehicle: The Bucket List, a comedy drama that tries to add a new twist to the Odd Couple scenario. Instead of just throwing together two incompatible people, as so many movies [...]

I firmly believe there is a treasure hunter in all of us. The possibility of having your name attached to discovering a lost civilization or an artifact worth a fortune are all things we’ve dreamed about at one time or another. It’s the underlying reason that Indiana Jones was so popular (and still [...]

Someone, somewhere still thinks Jessica Simpson is a bankable product. But with declining music sales, a long forgotten reality television show and not ever actually having much in the way of a hit movie, I’m not so sure that individual still has a job. That’s because her latest feature, Blonde Ambition, has had [...]

I’ll admit it, when I was a youth I watched the 1980’s Saturday morning cartoon the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie is based upon. Don’t ask why, I’m still trying to understand what would have compelled me to watch it (I’d like to know why I watched the Smurfs also). But based on [...]

The Hollywood remake. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re a steady part of our cinema diet. I Am Legend proves once again that Hollywood believes the easiest path to success is to either: make a sequel or take a movie from years past and dress it up with an updated storyline and fresh graphics. [...]

I’m not sure what all the hoopla was surrounding The Golden Compass. I believe it has something to do with the atheistic stance the author of the book from which the movie was adapted from had. Sure there are a few themes that indicate religion is a bad institution, but I don’t recall [...]

I figured before I sat down to watch the most hyped films of the winter, I’d schedule in one more low-budget, limited release flick. This film made its debut at the After Dark Horror Fest earlier this year and duly disappeared again. That’s a shame because the individuals I spoke with who attended [...]

Can you believe American Pie was released nearly ten years ago? Since then the franchise has seen two theatrical sequels and two direct-to-DVD offerings. Later this month, a third Blockbuster special is slated to hit the shelves – American Pie Presents: Beta House. Read on to determine if this movie even remotely [...]

With time to spare and the need for something lighthearted and cutesy being introduced into my system (I had just reviewed Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door), Enchanted seemed like the perfect choice. And let’s be realistic, has Disney ever led anyone astray when they needed this kind of infusion?
The answer is yes, they [...]

There aren’t many movies that I’ve seen that have made me want to turn away or jump through the screen to change the outcome. I knew after reading the synopsis of Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door, this was going to be one of those films – after all, nothing spells heartbreak and brutality [...]

On a whole, you’ve got to root for a movie whose sole purpose is to celebrate the inner child so many adults have lost. Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium sets out to do this by combining the quirkiness of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory and the zaniness of The Cat in the Hat. [...]

Here we go again. Even though the old video game to movie adaption has played itself out some time ago, it has reared it’s ugly head above the surface once more to take a stab at our wallets and pocketbooks. No I’m not talking about a fourth Resident Evil (although I’m certain one [...]

It’s that Oscar time of year again when compelling movies get released late so they can remain in the heads of the Academy voters easier. The latest up to bat is No Country For Old Men. It’s the highly anticipated film by none other than Joel and Ethan Coen (better known as the [...]

A Christmas movie in early November? That’s almost like having a Halloween movie released in August. If I didn’t know any better I’d think the Hollywood marketing machine had lost their concept of time. But since I know they haven’t, my guess is that they wanted to start the movie buzz early [...]

I promised myself I would never watch another movie with Dane Cook in it again. I begged, pleaded and insisted that Hollywood not allow him to star in another movie after I reviewed his last monstrosity Good Luck Chuck. But just like my wife and kids, they don’t listen to me. He’s [...]

Let me start this particular movie review off by saying I’m a big fan of animated movies. I’m an even bigger fan of films starring real, flesh and blood actors and actresses. I am not however, a proponent of the stop-action animation that mixes these two forms of movies together. Apparently, Robert [...]

Sadly, I missed P1 when it was released last year. But seeing as it was such a good horror movie, Summit Entertainment has been good enough to bring P2 to the theaters. Yes, I’m kidding. There was no film titled P1 that I am aware of and aside from a single advertisement [...]

I went into seeing Lions for Lambs ready for a hearty dose of left-wing propaganda. Statements like “George W. Bush is a terrible president”, “we must find an exit strategy in Iraq since the war is going so poorly” and “the entire Republican party is a bunch of crooks and miscreants” were swirling through [...]

For those of us who have been anxiously waiting for something new from Jerry Seinfeld (Comedian doesn’t count), our wait has ended. The animated adventure Bee Movie marks his return to the spotlight – or does it? Sadly, this is not the breakout feature I had been hoping to see. The reasons [...]

Oh how I wish I were a young man again. In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new trend sweeping the nation. Sex clubs, united young men with older women are all the rage. If you’re a young man, there can be no better teacher than an experienced woman. Trust me. [...]

The Darjeeling Limited is the latest irreverent family/self discovery movie by Wes Anderson. You may remember he’s the creative force behind other offbeat movies likeThe Royal Tenenbaums and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Sticking with his modis operandi, Anderson picks another unusual place to host his vision – a passenger train traveling [...]

Ever get the sneaky suspicion that someone does something with less than admirable intentions? That’s what I felt when I sat down to watch and review Saw IV. After all, since the original Saw was released in 2004, Lionsgate has bankrolled sequels every year, each film still remarkably making a healthy profit while [...]

I think it is a safe statement to say that most people, like myself, appreciate a movie that depicts a person or persons rising to the top of the food chain by perseverance, hard work and some smarts, even if their profession is less than honorable. Ridley Scott (best known for Black Hawk Down [...]

That’s it. I can’t stand it anymore. The Comebacks is the final straw that broke this camel’s back. I am now officially decreeing that the era of the parody movie is over. It is dead. All remaining screenplays are to be set afire and their ashes shall be dumped in [...]

There are a few things in this world that make me uncomfortable. Being stuck in a barren wasteland is one of them. And although I’m not a person who fears the dark, something about being stuck in it for and extended period of time sends shivers down my spine. I’m also not [...]

No year could be considered complete without the obligatory cop-family/friend drama, cast with seasoned actors. We Own the Night, takes the spot this year and is Sony Pictures late push for an Oscar bid.
It stars Joaquin Phoenix as Bobby Green, the manager of a Russian mob owned hot spot, El Caribe. He also [...]

Remember David Schwimmer? Sure you do, he was the annoying guy on Friends who got to hook up with Rachel (it’s Ross, if you’re having trouble following along). Well since his acting gigs have mostly dried up, he’s decided to try his hand at directing. His first foray into this uncharted territory [...]

Michael Clayton is the directorial debut of Tony Gilroy (better known for his Bourne series screenplays). It stars George Clooney as Mister Clayton himself; a fixer of things in need of a solution (think Winston Wolfe in Pulp Fiction, only not as polished). He finds himself in the middle of two situations — [...]

In all walks of life there are standout groups or individuals that deserve a telling of their story. Julien Temple in 2000 directed The Filth and the Fury, a documentary of the often times misunderstood punk pioneers Sex Pistols. Sensing punk-rock deserved another telling story, he’s returned with Joe Strummer: The Future Is [...]

There are three reasons as to why I decided to watch Feel the Noise and review it. One, I’m a glutton for punishment. Two, I figured no one else would review this film and a movie like this is just screaming to be critiqued. Three, I love the comments that always follow [...]

The last good twisted movie (in my humble opinion) from the Farrelly brothers was seven years ago with their feature Me, Myself and Irene. True they had a few movies in between then and now, but they’ve been lackluster and relatively safe. Since then a new kid with an equally deranged mind and [...]

I’ve gotten so used to watching great mob movies depicting ruthless Italians (Goodfellas and The Godfather), that I’ve forgotten other cultures have their own organized crime syndicates too. The Chinese and Japanese have some mean people doing some very bad things. So do the Columbians. But the cake has to go to [...]

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has some broad shoulders. The question is whether they’re broad enough to hold afloat a movie like The Game Plan. It’s a movie type in which many have tried to succeed in (Hulk Hogan in Mr. Nanny and Vin Diesel in The Pacifier come to mind) and failed. [...]

I tend to get my guard up whenever I go into the theater to see a movie like The Kingdom. I always expect an overdose of political activism or some other jaded point of view that the writer and/or director wants to stuff down my throat. This, I believe, is the second such [...]

Damn, my ass hurts. A lot. No it’s not from sitting in an uncomfortable seat at the theater for 96 minutes to watch Good Luck Chuck. It’s from being raped repeatedly by those who would release a hunk of shit movie like this and disguise it as an off-the-cuff romantic-comedy.
That’s right, Good [...]

Lying, it’s the way of the world. You’ve got to be good at it if you’re going to succeed in today’s society (sorry God). Children lie to their parents if they think it will get them out of trouble. How many times has little Johnny pointed the finger at his younger brother [...]

You’ll have excuse when I say I don’t get my hopes up when I go to see comedies starring members of the Saturday Night Live cast. Too often the movie is beyond stupid and they always try way too hard to be funny (case in point, Hot Rod). So sucking it up in [...]

Everyone has had a teacher or two they hated. Mine was the high school gym teacher, Mr. Hastings. He was a hairy, squat man with rotten teeth and breath that could melt a steel I-beam. He had no idea what the hell he was doing, so he’d just make the class do [...]

Westerns rule. They’re one of the best and easiest types of movies to make. They’ve got the best villains available. They’ve got heroes everyone can relate to and cheer for. Usually, they’ve got beautiful, strong willed women whose support and love aid the family unit in its time of need. [...]

Sometimes movies look so much better on paper and storyboards rather than on an actual reel of film. Such is the case with Shoot ‘Em Up. It is every writer’s wet dream, a movie light on plot, dialogue and substance; heavy on nonstop action, including incredible gun and knife fights, car chases, aerial battles [...]

Question. Why does Hollywood think all the rural and desolate areas in the southern United States are filled with inbred, whacky rednecks who want to cause harm to the rest of society? I’ve met thousdands of southerners, many of whom I figured were the accidental offspring of close relatives (I used to work [...]

We’ve all said it before, more so after we’ve established a family of our own. God forbid, if something were to happen to someone we love, we’d kill the bastards responsible. We’d hunt them down like a prey animal and first do unimaginable things to them for the pain they’ve caused us. [...]

Usually parody films are a successful endeavor (the original Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie are examples) because they’re easy to make. For the most part the story is already constructed, so all the writers have to do is come up with funny filler material and their off to the races. Coupling [...]

Didn’t Jet Li retire last year? I guess the allure of making mostly grand action movies is just too strong – just like the smell of chocolate is irresistible to a fat person – because he is back and kicking ass in War.
This time, instead of being involved in some obscure Chinese tale (i.e., [...]

Did I miss the memo outlining Hollywood needing to remake movies that didn’t need to be remade? Apparently so, because just a few weeks ago, Invasion of the Body Snatchers was remade for the third time with The Invasion. This weekend (not sure why it couldn’t wait for Halloween), the 1978 horror classic [...]

With a bit of time to kill, I figured I’d get another limited release, independent picture watched and reviewed before it hits the DVD shelves in September. This time the victim, I mean movie, is The TV Set and the initial looks are promising. It’s directed by Jake Kasdan and produced by none [...]

I love screeners. It affords me the ability to see movies I would never get around to viewing. Case in point: Closing Escrow. If it were not for the package FedExed to me a month or so ago, not only would I have not gone to see it, I would have had [...]

Period pieces. These are the hardest movies to review. Depending on the time frame they’re portraying, they need to remain true to the past — there isn’t a lot of room for error or creative liberties. And depending on the type of movie (biography, historical event) they tend to get long winded [...]

Going into Superbad, I expected an edgier coming to age type of movie, in which a couple of dorks get the girls of their dreams all while learning the importance of not becoming something other than who they are. Very quickly however, I realized this was not going to be your ordinary teen angst [...]

The Invasion. How many people knew this was being released? I didn’t. Seems Warner Bros. didn’t put a lot of stock into either; no premier and a limited amount of advertising basically ensured this movie would receive little to no fanfare. Makes a person wonder whether the movie is worth watching, [...]

A few weeks ago on another movie review blog (DC Girl @ The Movies to be exact), I guessed Stardust would be lucky to break into the top ten for weekend gross on it’s opening weekend. I came to that conclusion based on the fact the trailer seemed cheesy and childish — even if [...]

This is definitely the year of trilogies. Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End started the summer season off. Now Rush Hour 3 hits the silver screen and I must say, I’m a bit surprised by this release — after all it’s been six years since Rush [...]

Trash comes in many forms. In 2003, it came in the form of Daddy Day Care. Today, it comes in the form of it’s sequel Daddy Day Camp. How do I know it’s garbage? Simple, when the star of the first movie (Eddie Murphy), or hell anyone from the first movie [...]

After a long hiatus from the silver screen, Lorne Michaels and his SNL Studios are once again backing a few of his Saturday Night Live comics in a feature presentation. More often than not, these forays into the unknown produce dismal movies (see The Ladies Man and Superstar) that become minor hits thanks to [...]

Here we go again. We just don’t get it. Once again we’re giving every country in the world another reason to hate the United States. No, we didn’t start another ill-founded war or take advantage of another poverty stricken region. No, this time we’re glorifying our excesses with the adolescent flick [...]

Last night in a moment weakness (also known as boredom) I sat down to watch Beneath. It’s an MTV production and even though they’ve had their hands in some relatively good movies lately like Blades of Glory and Jackass Number Two, I set my set my expectations low enough to not be upset if [...]

Just a week or so ago, I reviewed the movie I Could Never be Your Woman. At the end of the review I mentioned I didn’t think any good romantic comedies were on the horizon. Well, guess what. I was wrong. One has indeed popped up and slapped me in the [...]

Werewolves seem to be enjoying a resurgence. The Underworld series and to a lesser extent, movies like Blood and Chocolate has made them cool again. And as of late there certainly appears to be a lot of buzz about Skinwalkers. I’m not entirely sure why, but whatever the reason, it was enough [...]

Let’s call it now. There are only two reasons anyone has heard anything about I Know Who Killed Me. One, it stars Lindsay Lohan, who everyone knows is a figure of tabloid fodder due to her indulgence in the finer drugs available. Two, it stars Lindsay Lohan and she plays an exotic [...]

Feeling old? Need a feel good about yourself, quirky kind of movie to raise your spirits? Never fear, Hollywood claims they have something for you (don’t they always?). It comes in the form of the upcoming film: I Could Never Be Your Woman. Will it help you to put the bottle [...]

18 years since its FOX premiere (19 or 20 if you count the spots on The Tracey Ullman Show), America’s favorite dysfunctional family comes to the silver screen in none other than The Simpsons Movie. I’d, at most, call myself a casual fan of the cartoon – I haven’t watched it religiously for many, [...]

Leave to Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison Productions production company to find another ridiculous premise to bring to the cinema. Instead of a retarded football player (The Waterboy), a freaky little man-whore (Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo) or a morally corrupt child actor (Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star) we get male fire fighters [...]

Hairspray is an updated compilation of the John Waters classically campy film and the award winning Broadway musical (both of the same name). And while I very much liked the original (at least what I can recall of it), I had my reservations about the remake. That’s because remakes usually suck. Thankfully, [...]

I’m sure I’ve said it before somewhere — I may be the biggest fan of teen angst movies. Yeah, they’re not going to win any awards, but as I get older, I love reliving my youth through them. It’s a small pleasure. Plus, they usually have lots of naked girls running around [...]

Can you spell low budget? I can. It’s spelled D-I-A-M-O-N-D D-O-G-S. For those that are having a problem with that, I spelled: Diamond Dogs. As everyone knows between screening the monstrous blockbusters all the time, I’ve got to give back to the community now and again. I do that [...]

For all intents and purposes, License to Wed should have been just one of many romantic comedies released to little fanfare this summer. Nothing spectacular about it. But someone (the director, Ken Kwapis) got the bright idea to cast Robin Williams in a lead role. “Why?“, I plead, “What have I done [...]

I like actors that have a knack for portraying characters with some whacked out attribute. Therefore, I like Steve Buscemi. This guy has been in 100+ movies, many of which, the parts he played had some serious issues (defects may be a better word). A few of my favorites are Mr. Pink [...]

C’mon guys, you know it’s happened to you. You cried over the break-up with your first girlfriend. I’m guessing it happened to me as well, I just don’t remember it. My wife says I’m devoid of feelings — an emotional black hole, if you will — so there is a very good [...]

Here comes Harry Potter for round number five. Will he come out of the corner with the heart of a champion or limp like a homo coming out of a bathhouse? That’s the question I asked as I finally found myself fighting the crowds and going to the cinema last night. It’s [...]

To be perfectly honest, I had no idea what to expect when the opportunity to watch Wind Chill presented itself the other day. I knew nothing of the story other than there were some ghosts harassing some stranded college kids. So like I do with all movies, I buttered my popcorn, sat back [...]

Many moons ago I heard some major rumblings about the upcoming movie Captivity. Apparently, there were a few movie posters plastered around that were extremely shocking and horrifying to passer-bys. This coupled with the fact that the very hot Elisha Cuthbert was starring in it caused a major buzz. Cuthbert being held [...]

Thank God for John McClane. That’s right I said it. Where would our great country be, if John McClane was not there to save it time and again? I’ll tell you where — right in the shitter. In Die Hard, he outwitted an international thief holding people in the Nakatomi Plaza [...]

Hotel rooms suck. No matter how gaudy or pretty they’re made up, they still suck. I know this because I travel nearly every week and spend way too much of my time in them. My problem with them is I simply never quite know what has happened in the room prior to [...]

Hot off the heels (if you call 4 years later a quick turnaround) of the successful Bruce Almighty, Hollywood brings to us Evan Almighty.This time however, instead of Jim Carrey carrying the load, the baton has been handed off to the new funny man of cinema – Steve Carell. Unfortunately, the baton was dropped [...]

Pixar and Disney are back. This time instead of talking dolls (Toy Story), talking fish (Finding Nemo) or talking cars (Cars), we’ve got talking rats. That’s right, those cute and cuddly carriers of the Bubonic Plague are the main characters in Ratatouille! Can Pixar transform rats into an animal that’s sweet and [...]

Another penguin movie. First there was March of the Penguins and Madagascar. Then came Happy Feet. I swear to Christ, I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. Who in hell told advertisers and Hollywood that penguins are cute, adorable birds? News flash — they’re not. They’re ugly and mean. [...]

Vampires. I don’t think there is a cooler, monstrous entity imagined. They’re immortal. They’re tough as nails. They drink blood. Can they be any more awesome? It sure can — Lucy Liu can be cast as a bloodsucker. Now they’re smokin’ hot. Rise: Blood Hunter puts them [...]

I hate documentaries. Let me qualify that a bit further — I hate Michael Moore documentaries. On a whole, my biggest gripe is that, although they do chronicle an event or a situation, they tend to present only one side of the story. And since I am on the other side of [...]

Lo and behold! Another third installment has hit the theaters! I barely recollect that there was an Ocean’s Eleven or that a sequel Ocean’s Twelve was made. So you can imagine my surprise when I’m suddenly smacked in the face by Ocean’s Thirteen. So here’s to hoping I can enjoy this [...]

Yeah, I know. I’m late to the game — everyone one calling themselves a critic has seen and reported on Knocked Up already. Each and everyone one of them has seemingly given it rave reviews too. They also all gave shiny, glowing reviews to Hostel: Part II and we all know how [...]

It’s been a long time, 16 years to be precise, since the high water mark was set so high by The Silence of the Lambs for serial killer thrillers. And in those 16 years, there has yet to be a movie that even comes close to surpassing it. So it is fair [...]

It’s just one of those weeks. I don’t have much interest in going to the theaters to watch anything. If only I were important enough to get screeners to the summer blockbusters. Instead, I get access to the bottom of the barrel flicks — flicks like Bloodlines. I guess I can’t [...]

I usually avoid reviewing movies that go straight to the video counter at the local Blockbuster. There’s a reason they don’t get a theatrical release and why I don’t waste my time watching them — 98% of the time they suck ass. But with a little downtime and the need for a mindless [...]

Let me first start by saying, I never watched Hostel. There was something about glorifying the abject horror of torture made my stomach tense up and do a flip. Fast forwarding a few years and my stomach has gotten stronger on the inside (flabbier on the out). It’s probably a side effect [...]

Chalk up number three of the summer. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End has arrived in theaters and knocked out the oh-so endearing Shrek the Third from it’s elevated position as the weekend top grosser. But isn’t that what we expected to happen? After all, our lovable ogre lost a great [...]

I hadn’t heard much about The Last Legion. But what I had heard was that it wasn’t particularly good — it doesn’t follow any true historical events and the action was rather inactive. Now, I certainly wouldn’t call myself a history major (I’ll leave that to my brother), so the possibility of that [...]

I’ve been fired from a few jobs in my 36 years of life. There was this time I got canned from Tile City for ‘purposely’ breaking ceramic tiles. There was another time I was escorted off of a construction site for cursing off the foreman. It was so bad I was removed [...]

Here it is. The second of the most anticipated movies of the summer is here. No, I’m not talking about Gracie. I’m talking about Shrek the Third. If the title didn’t give it away, it’s the third installment of the animated juggernaught — the first being aptly titled Shrek and the [...]

In 2002, we were introduced to the rage virus in 28 Days Later…. At the end of the movie we were made to assume that all will be well after mainland Britain was quarantined. But guess what? The rage is back in 28 Weeks Later and it’s badder than ever.
28 Weeks Later [...]

Chick flicks. They’re not my strong point. The old coming of age, sappy shit never played well with me. My therapist tells me it’s because I’m just not in touch with my feminine side. I tell him it’s because I’m a red-blooded American male and that he can go fuck himself. [...]

I decided to take a chance. Rarely do I sit and watch movies or television shows about poker. The last time I did was in 1998 for the movie Rounders and that was only because I think Edward Norton is a great actor. I avoid movies about poker because they are boring. [...]

I’ve finally gotten around to watching the Reno 911!: Miami screener that’s been sitting on a bookshelf for the past couple of months. I’d been meaning to watch it for the longest time, yet time after time that little thing called responsibility kept creeping in. Screw the lawn. To hell with the [...]

Jesus help me. I believe I may have just committed a cardinal sin — I watched another Jamie Kennedy movie. I would have thought I learned my lesson when I saw Malibu’s Most Wanted, Jamie Kennedy’s first foray into acting like a black guy (or a wigger to some). Shame on me [...]

Here it is, Spider-Man 3, the most anticipated movie of the year. As a Spider-Man fan for most of my life, I can safely say I was counting down the days for this release. After Spider-Man 2, I found myself yearning for more. Could the third installment best the sequel which actually [...]

Hot Fuzz is the highly anticipated movie from the team (Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg) that created Shaun of the Dead. Whereas Shaun twisted and made light of the zombie genre, Hot Fuzz pokes fun at the cop buddy movie made so famous by movies like Lethal Weapon and Rush Hour. All I [...]

It was bound to happen. Halle Berry and Bruce Willis were at some point in time going to cross paths in a movie again. The last time it happened was in the lackluster The Last Boy Scout way back in 1991 when both were rising stars. Now in their prime (some may [...]

Where do I begin? I never quite know how I’m supposed to start a movie review, when I have already formed my opinion before seeing the film. Maybe I should begin by saying I’m an asshole for going to see a movie I know is going to suck terribly. Or perhaps I [...]

Work has been kicking my ass for the past week or so, so I hadn’t had a chance to get out to the theaters to catch anything worth my while. Today, I had a few hours to kill so I looked at the leader board and saw Disturbia was still holding a commanding lead. [...]

I hate warm beer. I hate it almost as much as I hate wet farts. But what I hate even more than both of those, are movies that offer nothing of worth to the viewer. They’re simply pushed out of the studio to lift a few of our hard earned dollars [...]

After all the critical acclaim heaved upon Danny Boyle and Alex Garland for helping to redefine the zombie flick with 28 Days Later…, I was definitely excited to see if something similar could be done with science fiction genre. Granted, there are plenty of recent space movies but they’ve all focused on action and [...]

From a religious perspective, I’ve never considered myself a non-believer but more of a sideline believer. I am fascinated by the Bible shows on the Discovery and History channels. So without question, I had to get out to the local cineplex to catch a viewing of The Reaping. It seemed to have [...]

Approximately ten times a year, to the theaters come those animated children movies we, as parents, cringe at. Our children want to go, no matter how bad the movie appears — so long as it has animated animals or dinosaurs or vehicles or rugs. Of those times only one or two of them [...]

Several years ago, I managed to catch an episode or two of a UK show titled Mr. Bean during the wee hours of the morning. It was certainly no match for shows like The Benny Hill Show or Coupling but I did find it mildly amusing (this may have been caused by the hour [...]

Will Ferrell is at again. Once more we have him playing a buffoon character toppled from the heights of fame and power. It’s his bread and butter and he’ll continue to push this shit out until it becomes unpopular. As a matter of fact, just last year Ferrell squeezed out Talladega Nights: [...]

Chris Rock — just what the doctor ordered. Great crossover appeal (I’m a white guy and he doesn’t appear threatening) and funny as fuck. This guy has to be one of the funniest guys in America and he seemly vanished into thin air. Until now that is. In his second directing [...]

Time for a kick-ass action movie — the first of 2007. This time around we’ve got Jason Bourne, going after some bad-ass government officials who have wronged him . . . oops, I’m sorry I’ve got the movie confused. I’m supposed to be reviewing Shooter and I’ve started to review The Bourne Identity! [...]

This can’t be good, can it? Sandra Bullock is back in a movie that requires her to do something other than look pretty. Why, oh why does Hollywood make movies like this? Surely, they know that Mrs. Jesse James, isn’t a bankable commodity anymore. This is a woman who starred in [...]

Has it really been 14 years since the freaky, full-sized, mutant turtles graced us with the presence on the silver screen? Yeppers, the last time I saw them it was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (I’m not counting television cartoons or straight-to-DVD titles). I’m obviously out of the loop since a great [...]

Oh boy. A black man holding a chain that is wrapped tightly around a petite, white girl. That’s all I knew about Black Snake Moan going into the theater. Nothing about a plot, nothing about content — just a picture of Samuel L. Jackson with an enslaved Christina Ricci. Exploitation at [...]

It’s been awhile since a zombie movie offered us something different. Usually, the movie will focus on a band of people trying like hell to survive an onslaught of flesh hungry living dead. While still the same premise Dawn of the Dead reinvigorated the genre with updated special effects and surprisingly mobile zombies. [...]

To be perfectly honest, there was no rhyme or reason as to why I decided to watch this movie. It has little to no fanfare, no actors I particularly like and it’s British. The last British movie I enjoyed was the classic from 2004, Shaun of the Dead. Before that, I can’t [...]

Where do I begin? After all the initial movie reviews and hype surrounding the opening of 300 what else is there to say?
Let me begin, by saying the movie definitely lives up to the fervor surrounding it. You want action? You got it. You want crazy, vivid battle scenes? You [...]

I remember almost like it was yesterday when the news flashed that a traitor to the United States, Robert Hanssen, was caught selling classified secrets to the USSR/Russia. I recall thinking, “why did it take so long to catch this scumbag” and “why would someone sell their country out?”. And what do you [...]

How many of us have wanted to drop everything on our plates and head out into the sunset, into the unknown, without a care in the world? I for one have - hell I’ve actually done it (when I was much much younger) and recommend everyone give it a try. It definitely replenishes [...]

Preconceived notions are like mother nature - a bitch. Especially to someone who likens themselves to an unbiased critic. So with a heavy heart, I admit, I went into the theater to see Bridge to Terabithia thinking it was going to be a weak runner-up to The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the [...]

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen my favorite guy with a rubber face, Jim Carrey. He’s been keeping a low profile all the while tapping the ass of that hottie Jenny McCarthy. Lucky fucker. So as I was saying before I began salivating over McCarthy’s pristine ass like Pavlov’s dog, it is [...]

As a lonely child, I gravitated towards Dungeons & Dragons and have always been intrigued with fantasy worlds and the creatures that inhabit them. So finally, after seeing and hearing all the hoopla surrounding Pan’s Labyrinth or should I say El Laberinto del Fauno (real Spanish title), I finally got up the nerve to [...]

I’m a sissy, I’ll admit it. I have a girlie spot located in my abdomen somewhere for cheesy, lovey-dovey chick flicks. Especially the feel good ones starring Mr. Blowjob himself - Hugh Grant. It started with Four Weddings and a Funeral so many years ago and although it seems no one cares [...]

Well, I guess it’s time to see what the Hollywood hype machine has been pushing down my throat for months now. Norbit is a movie that lays out the life of a puny, pussy-whipped guy and his fat-as-fuck, overbearing wife. It is the latest Eddie Murphy comedy, in which, you guessed it - [...]

Nothing gets the blood flowing better in the morning than a scary movie based on some freaky, paranormal shit. Then again, a good shot of whiskey coupled with a mind-numbing blowjob will do the trick too. Unfortunately, I don’t get much of the latter anymore, so The Messengers are going to have fulfill [...]

It’s time for a feel-good, self-discovery movie. This time, however, our Hollywood friends have decided that the female lead usually given to Sandra Bullock, Renée Zellweger or Meg Ryan will go to Jennifer Garner. I guess they figured they needed a fresh face to attach to this comedy/romance; just like adding an air [...]

Well, I had hoped that the comedy parody movies had ended with Scary Movie 2, as it was the last time I saw a funny movie of this type.  But then they went ahead and clubbed me like a baby seal and came out with 2 more in the franchise and then the unspeakably bad Date [...]

We’ve all seen the trailers for Smokin’ Aces for the past week or so, depicted a wild movie in which the world’s best contract killers are all gunning for $1,000,000 for killing a mob informant Buddy ‘Aces’ Israel (Jeremy Piven). Who wouldn’t we intrigued by a movie that seems to promise a mile-a-minute rollercoaster [...]

I’m going to begin this review by saying I’m no fan of remakes. To often they reek of shit and mean people are out of fresh ideas. However, due to a boring Saturday night, I decided against my better judgement and sat to watch The Hitcher. I hate myself for it.
Let me [...]

Ahhh . . . a true life crime drama starring Justin Timberlake! It’s gotta be good, right? Surpisingly, the answer is yes!
Alpha Dog is the true story of some wannabe, suburban gangsters who party their asses off, don’t have a care in the world and get themselves caught up in a kidnapping gone [...]

Espionage flicks are the best. You get a big ‘ole dose of drama, a speck of thrilling action, a touch of violence and usually a dose or two of sex. But the best part of well thought out spy movie is that it forces us, the viewer, to try and figure out the [...]

Let’s first begin by saying I’m a white guy. Some have said pastey white. I’ve always tried to overcome my caucasian roots by opening myself up to other cultures and thought processes. It is this reason - and this reason only - that I’ve decided to watch Stomp the Yard. After [...]

After a hard week of working around the house, I definately needed some downtime. And what better way to enjoy some rest and relaxation than to sit back with an ice cold beer and watch the latest comedy romp starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson - Night at the Museum? The story certainly [...]

I can hear it now, the all encompassing theme to Rocky - Gonna Fly Now. Whenever, I hear that music I get goose-pimples all over my ass. And after five installments of the Rocky franchise, that’s about all that gets me excited about the movies anymore. Needless to say, most of the [...]

Come Christmas time, or should I say Holiday time (for all the politically correct douchebags out there), Hollywood without question drops the old rags-to-riches, feel good movies into our laps. So it is no surprise that The Pursuit of Happyness shows up just in time for the gift exchange.
Even though most folks who know [...]

With the memory of 2002’s Van Wilder still swirling in my head - okay not really swirling, but every now and again I think of that scene where the frat guy (Daniel Cosgrove) is eating the doughnuts filled with dog semen. And each time I think of it, a freaky chill runs up my [...]

Rock operas. What are they and what do they want from us? First part of the question is easy - they’re albums or movies told in the form of song - although an album is generally considered a concept work (at least that is my interpretation of them). I’m not entirely sure [...]

Yeah, I’m beyond bored. Of course I could find something important to do around the house, but I find I prefer to lay around and sleep. For some strange reason between naps, I figured I could fill and hour or so with one of the latest CGI dominated movies Happy Feet.
Happy Feet is [...]

One of my favorite movie franchises has got to be James Bond. The man has it all — fine clothes, awesome gadgets, skills in every study known to man, kick-ass cars and of course, smoking hot chicks who line up to screw him. Who wouldn’t want to emulate that? However, it is [...]

From the demented mind of Sacha Baron Cohen comes some remarkable characters like Ali G. (a wannabe gangsta), Brüno (a flamboyant faggot) and, of course Borat - a sexist, anti-semite from Kazakhstan. The genius of these characters is the ability to allow Cohen to poke fun at, while “seriously” interviewing, people of all responsibilities [...]

It’s been several years since anyone has mentioned Martin Scorsese in the same breath as Oscar. Yeah he was up for it with The Aviator (2004) and Gangs of New York (2003) but those snore fests were only nominated because everything else in the theaters sucked ostrich dick. This man gave us movies [...]

Ah, just what the doctor ordered. Another excuse to watch our favorite buxomed blonde, Jessica Simpson, try to do something else she has no right to do. That’s right boys and girls, I mean acting. After all we already know she can’t sing or dance. Employee of the Month is aware [...]

There are many individuals in this great big world of ours that I just don’t get. Those tree-hugging, liberal faggots; those war-mongering right-wing douchebags; folk singers; those fuckwad animal conservatory guys on the Discovery Channel, et al. People I really don’t understand are those fucking insane thrill seekers who will literally do anything [...]

Ahhh, the glorious days of college. Who could forget them? It’s when most men try and sleep with as many girls as possible, and for girls to find their future husbands. It’s when most men drink til they puke and when girls drink to forget about sleeping with your fat ass. [...]

It’s been a while since there has been a worthwhile feel-good movie released into the theaters. Last ones that come to mind are Rudy (1993), Lucas (1986) and who can forget, Rocky (1976). Seabiscuit doesn’t count.
Interstingly enough the plot of Invincible follows amazingly close to Rocky. A Philadelphia son, down on his [...]

Here we go again. Hollywood has once again decided to take a cheesy, campy 80’s TV show and upgrade it to the big screen. This time it isn’t The Dukes of Hazzard, The Beverly Hillbillies or Bewitched; it’s Miami Vice. And instead of Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas as Crockett and [...]

NASCAR. Who doesn’t love it? Seeing as it is the fastest growing “sport” in the nation, my guess is most everyone is loving it these days. To capitalize upon this, NASCAR authorized the making of Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby a comedy which stars Will Ferrell as, you guessed it, [...]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Johnny Depp is one of the best actors of this generation - even if I have to look past the fact he resides in that shit infested country France. I don’t think there has been a movie starring Mr. Depp that I haven’t found [...]

Can there be anything wrong with the tried and true plot of having your dopey, unemployed (add any other adjectives needed here) friend move into your house only to overstay his/her welcome? Guess not, as there have been hundreds of these types of movies released through the years. The question remaining now is [...]

Let’s see - Sunday night, family is asleep and there isn’t anything on the boob tube worth my time. What to do? You guessed it; waste 95 minutes of my time on a spoofy, silly comedy. I figured after a dump truck load of shit has fallen on my head this past [...]

I was 22 years old when Clerks hit the local cineplex. It was watching this movie that created the obnoxious man you see today. A man loosely based on Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson), the quick-witted, foul-mouthed asshole and Jay (Jason Mewes), the dim-witted, stoner. So without question, I had to see whether [...]

It’s been awhile since we’ve reviewed a movie starring Adam Sandler. Been even longer since we’ve actually looked forward to a movie starring Adam Sandler. But believe it or not, I was actually interested in watching Click. Perhaps I was hoping for comedy genius to strike again for him (see Waterboy or [...]

Another day goes by and I find I need to put some filler into it, as it isn’t filled with nearly enough activity. So as usual I fire up some popcorn get a cold beverage and watch a movie. This time The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift is the starring title. [...]

Ah, the child in me resurfaces just in time to watch the latest offering from Pixar and Disney. Usually, the inner child shines through after drinking like a NYC hobo, but this time it was in anticipation of Cars. I love being a kid!
This time around, the story revolves around a egotistical race [...]

Again, I find myself drawn to one of those lovey-dovey movies that Hollywood simply adores. And more often then not, I find myself scratching my ass wondering what in the hell I was thinking. Guess what - this is another one of those times; but not for the reasons you might think.
The Break-Up [...]

Ah, summer blockbuster time. Sun is shing brightly, birds are chirping and Hollywood throws our way the movies that will make or break their year. The first movie of the season is Mission: Impossible III starring our favorite actor Tom Cruise as spy Ethan Hunt.
Now I’m the first guy to get in line [...]

Womans gymnastics. Can there be a sport where the competitors are in as good of shape? Volleyball, perhaps. Figure skating, that’s a possibilty too. But there can be no doubt that the only reason anyone watches the Olympics is to watch girls in peak physical condition do amazing things with their [...]

With a moment to kill, I sat back with a cold Yuengling, a box of Wheat Thins and a jar of peanut butter and watched the latest Wayans brothers offering: Scary Movie 4. Now as always I try and be fair and watch all movies with an open mind - no preconceived notions here. [...]

While the wife and children slept today and after the final conference call I cleared a bit of time to watch The Benchwarmers. This is the latest offering from our good friends at Happy Madison (Adam Sandler’s production company), and it shouldn’t be much of a surprise when I tell you the movie was [...]

After a good long night of drinking, I finally sat down to watch what some are calling one of the best movies this year to come out of Hollywood.  I’m obviously talking about the latest offering by the Wachowski brothers - V for Vendetta.  The movie based off of a UK comic book of the same [...]

Everyone, including myself, likes a good romantic comedy every now and then. After watching a few of the trailers for Failure To Launch, I figured it was that time.
Failure To Launch is basically like all the romantic comedies before it. Good looking man (this time played by Matthew McConaughey) has a phobia or [...]

After a long week of air travel, conference calls and children who feel the need to jump up and down on my head, I needed a break. So, figuring I had laughed my ass off at the spoof movie, Scary Movie, I looked foward to laughing my ass off at Date Movie. Boy, [...]

Not sure about you, but I’ve always been a buff on the unknown, supernatural stuff. I’ve always been intrigued by vampire tales or ghost stories. The stranger and scarier the better. So without a doubt, I wanted to see the second installment of the Underworld series, Underworld: Evolution.
Underworld: Evolution has a simple [...]

With a few hours to kill during this long weekend (thanks MLK Jr.), I figured I’d sit back with a cold beer and watch a good old fashioned comedy. Waiting . . . is another movie based loosely off of the Animal House, Office Space mold. You can’t fuck up a movie like [...]

Although, I had never actually read the book - “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” (review title shortened, obvioulsy), I had heard a great many good things about it. So, I had high expectations going in to see this movie.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe [...]

Some of you may or no may not remember, many moons ago MTV had a show called Liquid Television which was a show that gave air-time to independant animators. Aeon Flux was one of the more notable entries (as was Beavis and Butthead).
So I decided to give the big screen adaption a shot, as [...]

I won’t call myself a devoted follower of the Harry Potter phenomenon dreamed up by J.K. Rowling, while she slept on the streets of Edinburgh. I would say, however, that I am a man who enjoyed the first three movies enough to look foward to seeing the latest incarnation: Harry Potter and the Goblet [...]

Let me start this review by saying that if my wife, whom I love dearly, didn’t want to watch this move, I wouldn’t have gone near it. I’ll be the first to admit Jodie Foster is a top-tier actress, but that fact didn’t outwiegh the notion that Flightplan is a hokey piece of shit.
First, [...]

Hip hip hooray! Hip hip horray! I’ve waited patiently for a good comedy to come along and make me laugh. And since Hollywood hasn’t done much of a job coming out with anything worthwhile for quite sometime, I decided to pin my hopes on gut-wrenching adolescent humour on The 40 Year Old Virgin. [...]

Quite honestly I can say, I had absolutely no interest in watching this movie. However, after hearing people fawn over Jessica Alba, I figured I’d give it a go. Luckily, I wasn’t dissapointed. . .
Yeah, I know suddenly you’re thinking ‘Mr. Peach must have enjoyed the movie’. Wrong. I expected [...]

Just what the doctor ordered. A good ‘ole street-banging action flick by none other than John Singleton(whatever happened to him after Boyz n the Hood?). Four Brothers chronicles the actions of 4 adopted boys who seek to exact revenge on the people who killed their adoptive mother. . .a slight twist to the [...]

With my folks in town and some time to kill, we decided to sit back and watch the latest Wes Craven psychological thriller Red Eye. Personally, I had absolutely no idea what this movie was about except for the fact it had some shit to do with a plane and crazy guy.
So, going into [...]

There are few movies that I watch every time they are rerun on TBS. Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is one of those movies. So you can understand my initial hesitation when I heard that it was remade and released as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a [...]

We’ve all seen the advertisements of the The Skeleton Key telling would-be movie watchers that ‘this movie is as good as The Sixth Sense’ and asking people to not ’spoil the ending’. So, as most of mindless America, I bit the hook and and let them reel me in.
In a nutshell the movie casts [...]

Let’s see, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo was a mildly funny movie. So I expected Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo to be a rehash of the first. . .same type of jokes, same premise, etc. Guess what? I was right.
Plain and simple Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo just isn’t that funny this time around. [...]

Finally! A movie that I was actually interested in seeing. Why? Three reasons really. One: Bad News Bears is quite a good movie and I think a well done remake couldn’t hurt it. Two: Billy Bob Thornton. Three: Billy Bob Thornton. . .oh yeah I said that one [...]

Well let’s see. . .why oh why, would I bother to watch The Dukes of Hazzard? Oh yeah, same reason it’s the number one movie in the land: Jessica Simpson. Every man in the country is flocking to the movie in hopes of catching a glimpse of Ms. Simpson’s tits and ass. . [...]

Well, it was bound to happen again. No, I don’t mean that the sun will surely rise in the east, as it always does. I mean, another attempt has been made to bring a comic book to the silver screen.Fantastic Four is another attempt by the movie studios to cash in on the [...]

What an absolutely great idea for a movie! Wedding Crashers chronicles the lives of two womanizers as they lie, connive and trick unsuspecting girls into removing their clothing and partaking in some hot loving. And who better to play the parts of the dirtbags than, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.
Well that all sounds [...]

Finally, a rendition of Batman that most fans of the comic book would be proud of. At least that was the hope I had when I finally sat down to watch Batman Begins.
Let’s start where the producer’s of Batman Begins got it right. Without a doubt, they nailed the persona of Batman. [...]

Hmmm. . .Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in the same movie. Arguably, the two best looking actors in the world. Initial thoughts? Mr. & Mrs. Smith has to suck. When the media focuses on the couple after filming the movie goes downhill. . .remember that shitfest Gigli? So needless to [...]

Once again, Hollywood has decided to bring the masses another cute and cuddly CGI feature film with, you guessed it, animals! Who woulda thunk that? As has been said in previous reviews, Hollywood sticks to a format that works. Therefore, Madagascar should be no different from Shrek or Robots. . .
Am I [...]

Why, oh why, do I do this to myself? I must be a glutton for punishment. That’s really the only way to explain my reasoning to watch The Amityville Horror.
Where should I begin. I knew this movie had to suck ass before my wife and I sat down to watch it. The [...]

I’ve finally given in. No, not to the dark side(unless of course you speak to my wife), rather I’ve finally given in and decided to watch Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith. After the first two debacles (episodes I and II), I was weary to say the least.
Let’s start by [...]

Let me start this review by saying Will Ferrell is a funny motherfucker. He single handedly made Saturuday Night Live funny and all the recent movies he’s been in (Elf, Old School, Anchorman) were funny as hell. So I knew to expect the same from Kicking & Screaming.
Will Ferrell plays a father who [...]

DON’T PANIC. Every fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy (actually 5 books) were overheard repeating DON’T PANIC. Even I wondered aloud if the the big screen could even remotely capture the essence of the written material.
Let’s just say I was pleasantly surprised. This could have easily been a train [...]

With the mildly surprising success of Miss Congeniality, Hollywood and Sandra Bullock figured why not pump out a sequel and hope for similar results. What do they get? Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. A mildly entertaining movie (of course).
Ms. Bullock reprises her role as FBI agent Gracie Hart. The dressed [...]

I went into this movie knowing full well D.E.B.S. was going to be a close second to that shitfest Elektra. But, I had to take a chance on chicks with short skirts, thigh highs, and the chance of lesbian make-out scenes. I’m a man, damnit!
However low my expectations were, I was still disappointed! [...]

Wow. Another comic book…err, I mean graphic novel to movie adaptation. Which one am I talking about now? Sin City of course. An obscure graphic novel by the man who single-handedly made Batman cool again - Frank Miller. Although, most of the latest comics to movies have sucked ass (see Electra, [...]

I like animation. Every Saturday I watch my morning cartoons (on the WB of all places!) Late at night I watch Cartoon Network to watch the crazy-ass anime imports. I am a true believer that watching this shit will keep you young at heart. Based on this I looked forward to [...]

Last night, the wife and I sat down expecting to get a good scare before going to bed. She had her popcorn. I had high hopes. Although, I wasn’t a huge fan of the first movie (it reminded me of the shitty scarefest FearDotCom), I figured The Ring Two would be better. [...]

Let’s begin by saying I like Bruce Willis. Always have. Any man that bagged Demi Moore, is alright in my book. So I looked forward to checking out his latest movie Hostage. How can Hollywood screw up a movie that seems so similar to one of the greats: Die Hard?
Movie starts [...]

Every once in a while a movie comes along starring Will Smith that has the look of being good. Every once in a while that movie will actually be good. I am please to say that Hitch falls into the latter category.
As you can tell I’m not a big fan of Will Smith. He thinks [...]

Maybe you were like me and saw the hundreds of trailers on the television outlining a funny, good-hearted family film. Maybe you thought that movie had the possibility of being quite funny. What movie am I talking about? The Pacifier of course.
I’ll admit it…I was looking forward to seeing this movie. It looked like it [...]

How is it possible to create a worse movie than Alone in the Dark? Easy, dump out a piling heap of shit and title it Elektra. Now let’s be realistic. I knew the movie was going to be a waste of time and money. I watched this movie for two reasons. One, it was free. [...]

Ok, I’ll admit it, I went into this movie thinking it was a pile of horseshit. Everyone I knew (and their mothers) claimed this movie sucked ass. “Shit movie” and “Keanu Reaves can’t act”, are a few of the remarks I’ve heard. Although I can’t argue the latter opinion, I make a case on the [...]

The basic premise of the movie: a family man takes his daughter from their city home where a tragedy had occurred, to a country cottage where all hell breaks loose.
Hide and Seek has a great cast so I expected good things. Robert DeNiro still has some acting left in him. Dakota Fanning is [...]