Articles by Dan Franzen

The Critical Movie Critics

For more reviews, visit Frothy Ruminations, the oldest review site you've never, ever heard of. Now in color!Remember - there's no need not to be critical. Kittens are critical of you; we should learn from them. And who doesn't love kittens? Ergo, cogit sum! QED! Whatever. I'm going to go have a kitten sandwich. Don't wait up.


Movie Review: King of Thieves (2018)

It feels as if Michael Caine (“Going in Style”) has been making movies like King of Thieves for decades, movies in which is character is so, so old and so, so tired of it all. You’d be tired as well, if you had to work on movies like this. One last score, one last big…

Movie Review: Camp Death III in 2D! (2018)

Think of the worst movie you’ve ever seen. There surely were some redeeming qualities, right? Maybe it was so bad it was unintentionally funny. Maybe it was plotless but didn’t seem to take itself too seriously. Maybe the dialog was weak, but the actors somehow came out unscathed. Maybe it had naked people in it….

Movie Review: Dead Squad: Temple of the Undead (2018)

Dead Squad: Temple of the Undead is a full-fledged assault on your brain, particularly the pleasure center parts that produce serotonin and dopamine. If you have the endurance to stick it out to its conclusions, your only happiness will be derived from the arrival of the end credits. I know it seems like I’m hedging…

Movie Review: American Dresser (2018)

American Dresser is a simple road-trip tale of a weary older man who, after discovering a secret shortly after his wife dies, embarks on a coast-to-coast motorcycle trip to help exorcise some demons, get some closure, and enjoy life once more. It’s exceptionally well acted and directed, with just a few potholes in the plot…

Movie Review: 2036 Origin Unknown (2018)

2036 Origin Unknown, an obvious and rather ridiculous ripoff of “2001: A Space Odyssey” is aggressively dumb, purporting to be more for fans of science than fans of fiction, but really disappointing fans of both. It’s a time-consuming cure for insomnia, is what it is. It’s the year 2036 (duh). Mankind has replaced most of…

Movie Review: 211 (2018)

You know how, when you draw a bath and the water’s too hot to get into, so you let it sit there for a while but when you come back it’s too cold to get into, thus rendering it kind of useless? That’s what 211 is like. It’s tepid, lifeless, waste of time (if not…

Movie Review: Last Seen in Idaho (2018)

I think it’s fair to say that Last Seen in Idaho is a well-balanced, albeit cheesy, thriller. It has a straightforward plot with the expected number of twists and it includes strong, believable, even relatable lead characters who are portrayed with an acceptable level of competence. Now, I know that sentence isn’t exactly a ringing…

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