Articles by Dan Franzen

The Critical Movie Critics

For more reviews, visit Frothy Ruminations, the oldest review site you've never, ever heard of. Now in color!Remember - there's no need not to be critical. Kittens are critical of you; we should learn from them. And who doesn't love kittens? Ergo, cogit sum! QED! Whatever. I'm going to go have a kitten sandwich. Don't wait up.


Movie Review: Clara (2018)

An astronomer, obsessed with finding a planet capable of supporting life, hires a dreamy, itinerant artist with no background in science to be his research assistant in the majestic, gorgeous Clara. This is a movie that should appeal to romantics and science wonks alike, and it features strong performances by the two leads, who happen…

Movie Review: Blood Child (2017)

An American couple in Singapore suffers a miscarriage and returns to the United States — but did they bring something with them? Of course they did, in Blood Child, a sublimely awful, soulless affront to respectable supernatural horror tales. I’m not trying to scare off potential viewers here, but if I did, it would be…

Movie Review: A Violent Separation (2019)

This blood-is-thicker-than-water melodrama, A Violent Separation, presents itself as a study in the ties that bind, a familial tale that is unfortunately all too familiar. In it, a cop brother named Norman (Brenton Thwaites, “Gods of Egypt”) helps his shadier brother named Ray (Ben Robson, “The Boy”) out of a particularly horrible jam, with each…

Movie Review: Stray (2019)

In Stray, an orphaned young woman struggles to discover the reasons behind her mother’s death, aided by an indefatigable detective with child-care issues of her own. The plot is also tinged with a bit of the supernatural, which typically would raise this movie a few cuts above your standard police procedural. Instead, the film left…

Movie Review: King of Thieves (2018)

It feels as if Michael Caine (“Going in Style”) has been making movies like King of Thieves for decades, movies in which is character is so, so old and so, so tired of it all. You’d be tired as well, if you had to work on movies like this. One last score, one last big…

Movie Review: Camp Death III in 2D! (2018)

Think of the worst movie you’ve ever seen. There surely were some redeeming qualities, right? Maybe it was so bad it was unintentionally funny. Maybe it was plotless but didn’t seem to take itself too seriously. Maybe the dialog was weak, but the actors somehow came out unscathed. Maybe it had naked people in it….

Movie Review: Dead Squad: Temple of the Undead (2018)

Dead Squad: Temple of the Undead is a full-fledged assault on your brain, particularly the pleasure center parts that produce serotonin and dopamine. If you have the endurance to stick it out to its conclusions, your only happiness will be derived from the arrival of the end credits. I know it seems like I’m hedging…

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