“You are the One.” “No, I’m not.” “Yes, you are. You must believe in your powers.” Bad thing happens. “Oh, okay, I’m the One.” Yes, I’m paraphrasing and no, I’m not regurgitating the dialogue from The Matrix. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, the new Jerry Bruckheimer produced Disney film is. The guy trying to do the convincing…
Close your eyes. Transport yourself back to 1987. The high energy and surprisingly entertaining movie Predator has torn up the box office. A sequel has to follow. But in this alternate reality, Predator 2 never gets made. Neither do those abysmal Alien vs. Predator flicks. Now open your eyes. The sequel, as Robert Rodriguez envisioned…
There’s just something about Westerns that screams out, “Mesh me with other genres.” Perhaps it’s because most traditional westerns are one-note bores that fail to gain any recognition (don’t get your panties in a bunch — I said “most”) and the application of futuristic weaponry and demonic spirits seems like a surefire way to breathe…
Tom Cruise used to be the personification of “badass.” He struggled to become the best pilot he could be in Top Gun, he overcame the impossible in Mission: Impossible and of course, he tackled a dystopian future in Minority Report. But it seems like the action-hero has aged quite poorly and these days he’s tackling…
At this point I’ll consider myself a masochist. With a bad taste in my mouth from my viewing of Stoic, I continued on my Uwe Boll obsession and decided to watch his latest film The Final Storm, an apocalyptic thriller which stars Lauren Holly and Steve Bacic as a suburban couple who invite Silas (Luke…
I’m one of the few people who consider Uwe Boll an important film-maker. It may be sad but it’s true. But let me explain my reasoning. Though Mr. Boll, who finances his own cinematic exploits, has not directed a single note-worthy film (except for being notoriously bad), he shows dedication and balls. It takes a…
Then: The A-Team, an 80s television show good for pathetically bad stories, overall bad acting, a shitload of random explosions, gun battles in which no one gets shot, and the rise of a mohawked bad-ass Mr. T (a man, by the way, that had no right to find himself in that situation). It did, however,…
