Movie Review: The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)

Holy shitwings Batman, a movie has been made specifically for Paris Hilton (bet you never thought you’d read a movie review start like that before). Somewhere a baby is dying because of this unforgivable offense to mankind. But then again, maybe not. Sure, The Hottie and the Nottie is an affront to all our basic principles, but it’s actually not the worst movie imaginable.

Amazingly enough, I laughed more watching this than I did while watching more expensive and hyped films like College Road Trip and the mess that was Norbit (although some of my reasons for laughing weren’t meant by the writer or director). I guess it just goes to show that given the right mixture of seemingly spoiled ingredients, something of relative good taste can be concocted.

Those seemingly rancid puzzle pieces are quite obviously a ridiculously asinine premise coupled with a cast that is being led by Paris Hilton. The plot, if it can be said there is one, is a jacked up combination of There’s Something About Mary and The Ugly Duckling. It is based around Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore), a guy who is such a complete and utter loser, that he feels the need to try and reconnect with the girl of his 1st grade dreams, Cristabelle Abbott (Paris Hilton). Upon traveling to Los Angeles to realize his obsession, he comes to learn that if he wants to hook up with Cristabelle, he’ll have to get past her horrifyingly ugly BFF, June Phigg (Christine Lakin). So what would any shallow man do? He’ll try like hell to hook the beast up with a wing-man, so the prize can be obtained, of course! And that is what Nate does – with some very funny results.

Luckily and thankfully, The Hottie and the Nottie is actually one of those movies that is better with a cast of nobodies and almost-beens. Paris Hilton is no actress. There isn’t an ounce of ability in her 65-pound frame. However, she does look extremely tempting at times (I kept thinking about her sex tape) and for the most part that was all she needed to do. Hell there was a time or two where she almost appeared genuinely vulnerable. Christine Lakin as the “nottie”, gets the short-end of the stick – getting stuck with having to wear fake rotted teeth, hair patches all over her body and boils on her face for the majority of the flick can’t be much fun. She handles it well though and actually makes more of her role than the others do. Joel David Moore fits the look of the sad-sack perfectly – he’s lanky, uncoordinated, has no fashion sense, a pitchy voice and sparse facial hair. He’s got very good comedic abilities too, and it is one of the main drivers that keeps the moving ticking along.

The other reason, is the low-brow humor Heidi Ferrer wrote and Tom Putnam directed into the movie. The biggest joke is the sophomoric way people react to the June’s look. And that joke can’t get done any better than with how Cole Slawsen (Adam Kulbersh), a guy paid to take June out on a date, does it. This poor bastard pounds Jack Daniels and gets hypnotized, all to no avail. Time after time, he screams like a little girl and runs for the hills and each time it happens it gets funnier (any man would throw up their arms in surrender if an infected toenail was flung into their mouths).

So with much soul searching and after the weighing of possible consequences, I feel comfortable saying The Hottie and the Nottie is a movie that you should give a look to. That’s right, I’ll say it again – The Hottie and the Nottie isn’t that bad at all and should make its way onto your DVD rental list. Paris Hilton deserves your hatred, just not for her role in this.