To be perfectly honest, I don’t think Armored ever had a chance of being a stellar action movie. Ah hell — I don’t think it had a chance of being much of anything. To come to that conclusion all I needed to see were these simple facts:
- It starred the likes of Laurence Fishburne and Matt Dillon. Both of these guys have seen better days. Much better.
- It was directed by Nimrà³d Antal, who in my opinion has yet to direct anything of worth. It doesn’t help that the movie was penned by a first time screenwriter either.
- The movie was about robbing an armored car.
Even those couldn’t prepare me for what I saw. Armored is actually worse than I expected. The “action” sequences are pretty much non-existent. The “drama” sequences are comical, at best. The “characters” are sorely under-developed.
Simplistically, Ty Hackett (Columbus Short) is a guard at Eagle Shield Security. He’s broke, can’t catch a break and is responsible for taking care of his troubled little brother Jimmy (Andre Jamal Kinney) since their parents died. Things are so tough that he’s recruited to help rob an armored truck convoy carrying $42 million by fellow rent-a-cops Mike Cochrane (Dillon) and Baines (Fishburne). According to Murphy’s Law (why doesn’t anyone pay heed to it?), the heist, of course, doesn’t go as planned — Ty has second thoughts, people get killed, police are dispatched.
Suspense and drama are purposefully injected into Armored by Antal’s overuse of confined action (which kinda worked in Vacancy) in, of all places, a steel mill, cos everyone knows that’s the place to go to stash the cash. Then there is a bewildering stretch that takes place inside the armored car itself, cos you know, why wouldn’t you hide out in there when things go horribly wrong. Oh, and who woulda known that with a little ingenuity and elbow grease there are so many tricks that can be done with the truck itself!
As if that’s not bad enough, I think I was supposed to actually be on the side of these would be geniuses. How or why, I’m not sure, since I can’t recall any explanation as to why all these guards would decide to take suck a risk on such a poorly planned robbery (backup plan anyone?). Yeah times are tough, but there is no way in hell you’re going to get away scot free robbing your own armored truck. How fucking stupid do you have to be to try? I’d have thunk the frequent security and background checks performed by the security company would’ve weeded out idiots like this . . .
Ah, and the ending, well let’s just say it is so full of shit its eyes are brown.
Armored is drivel. Nothing of value can be ascertained from viewing it. Shame on all involved with its production.