Never heard of Miss Conception? No worries. I never heard of it either before today. It’s a little low-key romantic comedy – so quiet, in fact, it was filmed and released first in the U.K. before making a limited appearance here in the states. The only reason I found it was because it stars Heather Graham and I’m a man. Does there need to be any other reasons?
Here she plays Georgina, a woman in a seemingly strong relationship with her long-time boyfriend Zak (Tom Ellis). It’s all good until she finds out two very important things:
- Zak doesn’t want to have any children. Mostly he sees them as a great big nuisance.
- She has a single egg left. If is doesn’t get fertilized during her next cycle, she’ll be bone dry and never experience the joys of childbirth.
So after Georgina dumps her boyfriend, her best friend Clem (Mia Kirshner) concocts a schedule to ensure Georgina gets impregnated. Day One, hold an open house and hope to seduce a stud looking to sublet her apartment. Day Two, attend a funeral and “console” a good looking distraught man. Day Three, go to a club and hook-up with a random guy. Day Four, if all else fails, get herself inseminated by her gay friend Justin (Orlando Seale). Of course, nothing goes right for her – she gets robbed, loses her gaydar and tries to hook up with gay guys, and experiences minor glitches during insemination (don’t ask, I’m not going to tell) – all while pining for Zak (who, by the way, is trying to return home at all costs to reunite with her). It is all very basic and, well, rather boring. Did I mention Heather Graham was in this?
And thankfully, she doesn’t disappoint tremendously. Her role is pathetic, I’ll just get that out of the way now. But so what, she looks great and isn’t that half the battle? While she isn’t showing off her fantastic funbags anymore (artistic integrity be damned), she does spend an inordinate amount of time in her bra and panties. This is mildly fulfilling – it turns out to be just enough to hold one over so the good parts in Boogie Nights can be fast forwarded to and watched for the 100th time.
The surprise of Miss Conception turns out to be the witty role of Clem. She’s a great deal of fun and full of ideas on how everyone else should do things (bet you know someone like that). Yet behind her snooty, cool exterior she is really a shy, insecure girl. Mia Kirshner lets just enough of the soft side out to make the character very likable. And oh yeah, she looks pretty damn good too. Of course having her jog next to Ms. Graham didn’t necessarily help with her sex appeal, but luckily I am man enough to see through that . . .
Overall though, Miss Conception is a throwaway movie. I suppose it deserves a viewing if, and only if, you meet one or both of these criteria: You literally have nothing else to do – and I mean absolutely nothing else to do (clearing the lint screen, technically is something); you happen to be one of the 75 or so Heather Graham fans in existence.