Movie Review: American Pie Presents: The Book of Love (2009)

Ask most and they’ll say American Pie Presents Band Camp is the worst of the straight to DVD offerings from the heavily diluted American Pie franchise. Today I can, with a heavy heart, proclaim American Pie Presents: The Book of Love to be the worst of the worst. Thoroughly unimaginative, not even the fair amount of gratuitous nudity could save this from itself.

And yes, let’s get it out of the way — there is dedicated camera time focused on the fine naked female form. Boobage here, boobage there; even a quick glimpse of full frontal can be found. The sad part about it is most isn’t appealing to look at (did I just say that?). The plastic surgeons that performed the implants on most of these girls should have their licenses pulled. The great majority were misshapen or just plain odd to the eye.

The girls the augmentations were performed on weren’t much to gaze upon either. The pool of desperate, good looking girls looking to get on camera either got so small that there were none to be found in front of the L.A. offices of some random porn producers or those behind American Pie Presents: The Book of Love didn’t think anyone would care about how unattractive the girls were. I put my money on choice two because there are ALWAYS good looking girls willing to do anything to get on camera.

The biggest kick in the ass, is this incarnation of Stifler (John Patrick Jordan) is pitiful. The horny and outlandish character type perfected by Seann William Scott in the original film and later by John White in the grossly funny American Pie Presents: Beta House is nonexistent. This guy is more of a noob than Rob (Bug Hall), Lube (Brandon Hardesty) and Nathan (Kevin M. Horton), the three virgin protagonists looking to rebuild and refresh a secret sex how-to book, he’s supposed to be endlessly antagonizing.

The lone bright spot, if one can call it that, is the many unexpected cameo appearances slopped into the movie. As the boys try to recreate the water damaged “bible”, they call upon the original authors — C. Thomas Howell, Dustin Diamond, Bret Michaels, Tim Matheson, Robert Romanus, Steve Railsback, and Christopher Knight — for help. I’d add Eugene Levy as Mr. Levenstein in that mix, but his appearance is not unexpected at this point and quite frankly it is pathetic that he continues to pawn himself out like this.

I’d also say I’m disappointed Katy Perry let her song “Hot N Cold” get anywhere near this flick.

Aside from that, there’s not much else to say — American Pie Presents: The Book of Love is one that should never leave the $1.99 bargain bin — unless of course, it is to make its way to the trash bin.