Movie Review: Friday the 13th (2009)

There are several reasons I don’t venture out to the woods for week long drunken camping trips. One, sleeping on the ground is not comfortable. We invented the box spring mattress for a reason. Two, I have an extreme dislike to the thought of becoming grizzly bear food. Three, well the original Friday the 13th implanted this fear — I’d rather not have my body dumped into a shallow grave dug by a lunatic after he/she has gruesomely murdered me. So what better way is there to give kids a healthy fear of summer camp than with a reboot of the franchise that started it all nearly 30 years ago?

But as I see it, those kids should see the original instead of this verison of Friday the 13th. And the reason for that is simple: There is absolutely nothing new in this version that the old movie didn’t have, including, but not limited to:

  • Stupid 20-somethingers interested in nothing but drugs, alcohol and sex
  • Super cute chicks who don’t mind baring all for the camera
  • Recycled methods of savage killings
  • Cheesey dialogue centered around drugs, alcohol and sex

If you’re going to remake a classic, offer up a new twist. Compel your audience to want to go to the theater instead of sitting on their couches rewatching the DVD. My Bloody Valentine went 3D. Even the Halloween retelling tried to add new elements to the story (even though I wasn’t particularly fond of the outcome).

That being said, there is still something oddly refreshing about seeing Camp Crystal Lake back on the big screen. And Jason Voorhees, before he went off into the vacuum of space to kill, is undoubtedly one of my favorite slasher mass murderers of all time. In this telling of Friday the 13th (which roughly combines elements from the first three movies), he hacks, slices, stabs and mutilates eleven or so unsuspecting victims in two separate hunting excursions. There is some semblence of story but let’s not pretend like we care. The person you want to see die horribly, dies horribly; the person you think is going to survive, lives to see another day; and the girl you want to see in her birthday suit, gets naked. It is a simple formula and we’ve grown to love it.

So while there isn’t anything new to write home about (or discuss in a movie review), Friday the 13th is still a fairly entertaining slasher flick. It’s not as good as the original, but luckily that isn’t a necessity for one to have a good time. The hockey mask is back, boys and girls; fear the woods and the things that go creak in the night. And oh yeah, staying in a group only delays the inevitable.

Critical Movie Critic Rating:
3 Star Rating: Average


Movie Review: The Uninvited (2009)
Movie Review: The Pink Panther 2 (2009)

The Critical Movie Critics

I'm an old, miserable fart set in his ways. Some of the things that bring a smile to my face are (in no particular order): Teenage back acne, the rain on my face, long walks on the beach and redneck women named Francis. Oh yeah, I like to watch and criticize movies.

'Movie Review: Friday the 13th (2009)' have 7 comments

  1. The Critical Movie Critics

    February 17, 2009 @ 7:31 am baby shower ideas

    The first couple of Friday the 13th movies were good when they first came out. But overall they are getting old and I am tired of the storyline.
    Plus directors today think the more blood the scarier a movie is but that is not the case. It is the unexpected.

  2. The Critical Movie Critics

    February 18, 2009 @ 11:43 pm heminjan

    Many have seen the movie Friday The 13th 2009. it was the best movie I have seen. I do not see horror movies regularly but In this valentine I went to see it because I need a change. Oh it was a good movie for every body. So much of horror inside. So many teens have seen the movie.

  3. The Critical Movie Critics

    March 1, 2009 @ 9:32 am Andy

    I like this new remake, from reading of it, we can expect something different from other remake series

  4. The Critical Movie Critics

    March 14, 2009 @ 5:20 pm Mircea

    No…remakes are bad and this one was soo boring it made me wish I watched a japanese horror!

  5. The Critical Movie Critics

    August 29, 2009 @ 5:01 pm Aaron

    Although I have not seen this movie, I have heard enough to tell it’s not worth seeing. I would have probably gone to see it just because I enjoy the series, but I am not up to seeing it now. So thank you, General Disdain.

  6. The Critical Movie Critics

    August 29, 2009 @ 9:41 pm General Disdain


    Happy to help!

  7. The Critical Movie Critics

    August 8, 2010 @ 11:24 pm Pink Flower

    The movie Friday the 13th was my favorite. I always been waiting for its sequel until horror movies like The Grudge, and other Japanese movie came out.

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