Movie Review: The Virginity Hit (2010)

Without a new installment in the American Pie series to look forward to, I was fearful that a gaping void was going to be left in the movie world without a crude, obnoxiously naked teen sex romp to watch this year. The Virginity Hit steps up to try and fill this hole for 2010, providing more than enough obscenities, some youthful binge drinking/drug taking and fleeting glimpses of bare breasts to soothe even the most adolescent (i.e., perverted) at heart and ire the most stodgy.

What it lacks, however, is the boyish charm and “innocence” the Pie series (and many other teen road trip type flicks) exudes. That’s because friends, Jacob (Jacob Davich), Zack (Zack Pearlman) and Justin (Justin Kline) have a singular purpose and don’t care about repercussions — they strive to get their best bud Matt (Matt Bennett) laid while chronicling all their escapades on camcorders for later viewing on YouTube. Yup, sexting is now passé — this day and age requires one to capture one’s sex life on camera for the whole world to see. This premise, of course, leads to some very outrageous setups of which writers/directors Huck Botko and Andrew Gurland take the lowest common denominator to generate laughs.

Some of these scenarios do indeed offer up a laugh or two — the incestuous option with Matt’s adopted sister Krysta (Krysta Rodriguez) is probably the best The Virginity Hit serves up for our consumption (mostly thanks to Krysta; she is the most likable) — most, however, are just opportunities for the guys to seemingly adlib and act out gross-outs that no ordinary kid, no matter how clued-in (or clued-out for that matter), would utter or do. It goes so far as to put the protagonist into a situation involving a male blow-up doll and the ancient art of cunnilingus. Why someone, even if a virgin, would contemplate, let alone follow through, with such an asinine request is a mystery. Scratch that, it’s not a mystery — it’s just plain fucking stupid.

But I guess that’s karma — if you’re an asshole, assholey things come back to you. And it’s fitting, like I mentioned earlier, there is no innocence to these kids. They are pompous, self-righteous d-bags with a seemingly unlimited supply of money (good for New Orleans though). This observation goes doubly for Zack, who may be the most obnoxious motherfucker on the planet. His good time is not only gained at the expense of the people he and his cohorts encounter, but he relishes Matt’s ongoing predicament. All in the name of guerilla filmmaking, I suppose.

Which leads me to my final point: The manner in which the film is shot. Flip phones, digital handhelds, etc., The Virginity Hit is basically a melding of Road Trip and Cloverfield. It’s an interesting choice to say the least, and while I’m usually not the biggest fan of the “shaky cam”, it is a novel way to shoot a “get laid road trip” flick. It is not, however, a great way to get clear shots of naked girls — sorry guys.

Movies like these work because viewers can find some part of themselves in the characters and can laugh with/at them and ultimately at themselves. Not so much here. Had the guys been more attractive, the trumped up scenarios would have worked so much better. As it stands now, The Virginity Hit will turn off a great many who would consider themselves fans of these sorts of movies.