Movie Review: Blonde Ambition (2008)
Critical Critic: General Disdain | Published on: December 24, 2007 |
Filed under: Romance, Comedy
Directed By: Scott Marshall
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Starring: Jessica Simpson, Luke Wilson, Rachael Leigh Cook, Penelope Ann Miller
IMDB Link: Blonde Ambition
Movie Trailer: Trailer
Someone, somewhere still thinks Jessica Simpson is a bankable product. But with declining music sales, a long forgotten reality television show and not ever actually having much in the way of a hit movie, I’m not so sure that individual still has a job. That’s because her latest feature, Blonde Ambition, has had perhaps the worst screening a movie can ever have. In eight theaters in her home state, the movie grossed approximately $1,302 in three days. I’m not so good at math, but even I can figure out that those theaters lost a chunk of change premiering this.
What does this prove? Not a damn thing. But I hypothesize that the days of a semi-talented girl with a great set of tits and a nice round ass have all but passed on by. After all, if the people from her hometown won’t even go out to support a movie with a role that was made for her, who in God’s name will? Answer: no one. Not even the closet freaks who feast on movies like Blonde Ambition when they come out on DVD (which this supposedly will on January 22).
The movie itself is simplified version of the 1980’s classic Working Girl. Jessica Simpson is mistakenly given the lead as Katie, a country girl thrust into the shark infested waters of big business. To say she is a fish out of water is an understatement. She is immediately used as a pawn by Sandra Connelly (Penelope Ann Miller), a power-hungry VP and her cohort Frankie (Andy Dick) in an attempt to wrest control of the C & C conglomerate from CEO Richard Connelly (Larry Miller). Lurking in the mail room is her underachieving love interest, Ben (Luke Wilson), who has a few surprises up his sleeve as well (but nothing you can’t figure out relatively quickly). There’s a few other subplots to follow too, but I’ll be honest – I didn’t follow them.
For clarification purposes, the above statement “she is a fish out of water”, was not only meant to describe the character Katie but it also aptly describes Jessica Simpson as an actress too. The girl simply has zero acting ability. Sitting through the entire movie was just as painful as getting several root canals concurrently – without anesthesia. Even her best assets weren’t enough to take the focus off of this terribly written, directed and acted movie. That’s not for a lack of trying though – a good portion of the movie is geared toward playing dress up with Ms. Simpson. Hell, you know it is desperation time when the director, Scott Marshall, shoots close-ups of her ass and cleavage (which look awfully good) to drum up viewer enthusiasm. But someone please tell her that when she pushes her lips up, she looks like a toad. A very unattractive toad.
However, the failure isn’t all Jessica’s to carry. Luke Wilson has some serious explaining to do as well. It wasn’t that long ago that he was starring in memorable movies like My Super Ex-Girlfriend (yeah, I liked it) and Old School. I swear, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was his first acting gig. Millennium Films should withhold his paycheck for his lackluster effort. Hell, they shouldn’t pay anyone associated with this film.
Anyways, I’m pretty sure you know how this movie review is going to end. Avoid Blonde Ambition at all costs. Even if your friends are willing to pay for the rental, the beer and the pizza – avoid it. If I could do it all over again, I most certainly would.
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About: General Disdain I love long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners and I'm a sucker for women named Helga. What can I say -- I live for the finer things in life! |
blogcabins posted a response on: December 26, 2007 | Reply
I’m slowly becoming convinced that there are around 12 Luke Wilsons currently running around Hollywood; good, bad or in the middle, the man is everywhere at once, all the while somehow not getting overexposed (probably due to a lack of interest on the tabloid front). And it’s not like he just takes minor supporting roles - he’s usually the number 2 or 3 lead.
Don’t get me wrong - I like the guy. He just needs to filter out some of the garbage…
Oh, and (not surprisingly) I had never heard of this movie. I think I’d rather go rent Barb Wire than this…
Liz posted a response on: December 27, 2007 | Reply
Jessica Simpson is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And there is no way anyone would miss her if she was gone.
Well, maybe Ashlee. But let’s face it: she’d relish being “the pretty one” for once.
Donald posted a response on: December 27, 2007 | Reply
you sir, require an exorcism. whatever inspired you to see this movie must be purged from your system before you do more harm to yourself and loved ones!
DCMovieGirl posted a response on: December 29, 2007 | Reply
HO-LY CRAP!
You guys actually saw this??!!
Wow.
I am in awe of your gumption.
“sniffing out the best and worst in cinema so you don’t have to” Indeed.
Jess posted a response on: December 30, 2007 | Reply
I think it is safe to say Lindsay Lohan belongs in the same grouping as Jessica Simpson. They both get their parts because they’re cute and good for tabloid headlines. Neither of them can act a lick.
General Disdain posted a response on: December 30, 2007 | Reply
No doubt. They just need to learn to say “NO!” more often.
She is the pretty one. Just has smaller tits.
I’ve grown fond of the demons that reside in me. I’ll take a bottle of Patron to quiet them down instead (care to supply?)!
Thank you. I’m in awe of the number of antacids I eat so I can stomach these movies!
Can’t agree with you on this. Lindsay has fallen off, but I think Jessica stands alone.
riya posted a response on: December 31, 2007 | Reply
since when is good acting a necesary element for good sales? ever watch a porn?
fans of jessica will see this no matter how poorly it showed in her hometown.
Ryan posted a response on: January 6, 2008 | Reply
I’ll have to agree with the above commenter. So long as the movie, as you say, “is geared toward playing dress up with Ms. Simpson” and “shoots close-ups of her ass and cleavage”, then people will rent it. I know I’ll be renting it for those very reasons!
Wendy posted a response on: January 6, 2008 | Reply
To Ryan,
You need to get out more often. Renting a movie to see a half-wit fully clothed is pathetic.
Nancy posted a response on: January 15, 2008 | Reply
She may not be the best actress, but she does deserve some credit for trying.
General Disdain posted a response on: January 15, 2008 | Reply
No doubt. Says something about our society, doesn’t it?
Well said. If she were naked it would be another story altogether though.
She doesn’t deserve any credit. She’s not actively trying to become a better actress. She is just looking for stupid roles that will just earn her a paycheck and keep her in the public eye.
Bridget posted a response on: January 25, 2008 | Reply
Target ran out on the 22nd when this movie came out and Wal-Mart was down to its last 2….enough said
General Disdain posted a response on: January 25, 2008 | Reply
My only hope is that the people buying this a)don’t vote and b) don’t reproduce.