Oh how I wish I were a young man again. In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new trend sweeping the nation. Sex clubs, united young men with older women are all the rage. If you’re a young man, there can be no better teacher than an experienced woman. Trust me. So, as with all hot trends, a studio has capitalized on the phenomenon. How you may ask? With the straight to DVD movie, Cougar Club, of course!
So armed with this premise, I didn’t have any questions as to what to expect. In case you do, a movie of this nature is meant to overdose the viewer on tits and ass, and adolescent humor. Nothing more. But as with the unpredictability of life, sometimes you don’t quite get what you asked for. Cougar Club is one of those lemons.
For one, as anyone who has read one of my reviews knows, I am the biggest proponent of female nudity. The more, if applicable, the better. For this type of movie, there is supposed to be piles of it. It should be piled high in the corners and overflowing out of the closets. But somewhere along the line, the concept of gratuitous nudity was lost on director Christopher Duddy. His first mistake was casting the lead female parts, Paige and Amanda, to Izabella Scorupco and Kaley Cuoco, respectively. Indeed both are pretty to look at, but neither of them can be expected to shed their clothes on screen (although I think Izabella has been topless before). The second red flag was not using the hook-up parties to their full advantage. There are two major “social gatherings” highlighted in the movie and during them both, there is but one, that’s right I said one, tit shot. There are three in total. Unacceptable on any level.
You’ll also know from my past reviews that I am an idiotic adolescent at heart, so I get along famously with potty humor. But even I couldn’t find much to laugh at in Cougar Club. Having the father (Robin Thomas) literally farting and crapping his pants throughout the film for no apparent reason was lost on me. So were the ridiculous chores doled out to Spencer (Jason Jurman) and Hogan (Warren Kole) by the three attorneys they worked for. Why would I find clipping fungus infected toe nails funny? Please, remind me again as to why seeing a man wax his own nut sack would induce a laugh. The scariest of all is watching Joanie Laurer, man handle a terrified kid. No one, not even my worst enemy, should have to endure eating whipped cream off of her feet.
But just as all rain clouds have a silver lining, so too does Cougar Club (albeit, very small). I liked the character of Hogan. His sole purpose in life was to bed as many old broads as he could (two of which are played by Faye Dunaway and Carrie Fisher). His little anecdotes and philosophy on life give the movie its chemistry and laughs. He basically reminded me of a calmed down Stifler (of American Pie fame). Without him, this movie would have been a total loss. Joe Mantegna, as one of the arrogant attorneys was mildly funny too. You’ve got to a love a character that embraces his power and uses it to his full advantage (getting blowjobs by a secretary is one such perk).
Obviously, I can’t recommend anyone rushing out to buy the DVD when it hits the shelves on November 13th. I really wouldn’t recommend renting it either, but with the low cost of a Netflix subscription, you can’t go wrong. For a few cents, you’ll get a few shots of gratuitous nudity and you may find that watching a man with a stomach disorder or a guy humping a filing cabinet entertaining. To each their own.