Movie Review: Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Wonders never cease. I didn’t think it was possible to create a more adrenaline fueled, mind twistingly deranged action film than Crank. Oh, how wrong I was. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor have upped the levels of their previous creation fifty-fold with Crank: High Voltage and, in doing so, created a movie that is sure to disgust 3/4 of the free world .

And seeing as this film is so much more outrageous than the first, it should have been an easy task to dismiss it as exercises in extraordinarily bad taste, bad film making and bad acting. It is indeed all of these and more, but, in the sickest sense of the word, it is also extraordinarily entertaining.

Its premise rivals the stupidity of one written for a low budget porno flick and Crank: High Voltage revels in this notion. Chev Chelios (Jason Statham reprising his role) now must keep his artificial heart electrically charged long enough for him to cause as much havoc as humanly possible in Los Angeles while hunting down his real ticker and those who removed it from his body.

Hell, the movie absolutely loves the fact it has no basis linking it to anything that even remotely resembles sense — its sole purpose is to take the viewer on a frantic, nonstop ride for 96 minutes. And when I say frantic and nonstop, I literally mean every piece of the movie moves jaggedly at 100 miles per hour, throwing sex, violence, and bizarre characters in equally baffling scenarios in our faces at every turn. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wanted to see ten of the 64 Kama Sutra positions put to the test in the most inconceivable location (Amy Smart looks great too). Same goes for wanting to see how tough a biker gang made up of drag queens and homosexuals is. Everyone, and I mean everyone, be it a little old lady or the anchor for the local newscast, has some quirk that adds to the overall maelstrom.

Neveldine and Taylor also mix up their methods of shooting to further add to the mayhem. Whacked out subtitles are splashed all over the screen as Ling Bai (who plays a drugged up street hooker) systematically destroys the English language with her perverted rants. During one of the key fight scenes, an homage to the Godzilla movies of years past is paid. And if you thought the action scene frame splicing of the Bourne trilogy was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

As nonsensical as it all sounds (my description hardly does it justice), Crank: High Voltage is a movie that simply will not release you until the ending credits have run their course. If you have the warped sense of reality required, then you will simply love what this movie offers up. Even if your sense is more middle of the road, just suspend it a bit, and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed either. As for me, I don’t how they’re going to do it, but incredulously, I’m looking forward to the next installment.

Critical Movie Critic Rating:
4 Star Rating: Good


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The Critical Movie Critics

I'm an old, miserable fart set in his ways. Some of the things that bring a smile to my face are (in no particular order): Teenage back acne, the rain on my face, long walks on the beach and redneck women named Francis. Oh yeah, I like to watch and criticize movies.

'Movie Review: Crank: High Voltage (2009)' have 5 comments

  1. The Critical Movie Critics

    April 20, 2009 @ 9:05 pm Stevo

    The first Crank was like rock – the implausibility is the creative medium. 50 fold increase?! Are you one sick f___?

  2. The Critical Movie Critics

    April 21, 2009 @ 6:19 am General Disdain

    Are you one sick f___?

    I have my moments. :)

  3. The Critical Movie Critics

    April 21, 2009 @ 10:01 am Zipper

    crazy ride. i coulda done without the nipple scene tho.

  4. The Critical Movie Critics

    April 23, 2009 @ 11:06 am Damaged

    I loved the first crank and I’m really looking forward to this one. I don’t care that the premise is terible and the plot is laughtable. You kind of watch these things for the rush!

  5. The Critical Movie Critics

    May 24, 2009 @ 11:36 pm Pete

    What the hell was that , that was one Acid ride. Perhaps after a drug induce coma this movie would be understandable. Does this prove that Jim Morrison of the Doors is really still alive making movies now?:

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