I'm an old, miserable fart set in his ways. Some of the things that bring a smile to my face are (in no particular order): Teenage back acne, the rain on my face, long walks on the beach and redneck women named Francis. Oh yeah, I like to watch and criticize movies.
Preconceived notions are like mother nature — a bitch. Especially to someone who likens themselves to an unbiased critic. So with a heavy heart, I admit, I went into the theater to see Bridge to Terabithia thinking it was going to be a weak runner-up to “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and…
It’s been awhile since I’ve seen my favorite guy with a rubber face, Jim Carrey. He’s been keeping a low profile all the while tapping the ass of that hottie Jenny McCarthy. Lucky fucker. So as I was saying before I began salivating over McCarthy’s pristine ass like Pavlov’s dog, it is a good thing…
As a lonely child, I gravitated towards Dungeons & Dragons and have always been intrigued with fantasy worlds and the creatures that inhabit them. So finally, after seeing and hearing all the hoopla surrounding Pan’s Labyrinth or should I say “El Laberinto del Fauno” (real Spanish title), I finally got up the nerve to get…
I’m a sissy, I’ll admit it. I have a girlie spot located in my abdomen somewhere for cheesy, lovey-dovey chick flicks. Especially the feel good ones starring Mr. Blowjob himself — Hugh Grant. It started with “Four Weddings and a Funeral” so many years ago and although it seems no one cares it’s been released,…
Well, I guess it’s time to see what the Hollywood hype machine has been pushing down my throat for months now. Norbit is a movie that lays out the life of a puny, pussy-whipped guy and his fat-as-fuck, overbearing wife. It is the latest Eddie Murphy comedy, in which, you guessed it — he plays…
Nothing gets the blood flowing better in the morning than a scary movie based on some freaky, paranormal shit. Then again, a good shot of whiskey coupled with a mind-numbing blowjob will do the trick too. Unfortunately, I don’t get much of the latter anymore, so The Messengers are going to have fulfill my need…
It’s time for a feel-good, self-discovery movie. This time, however, our Hollywood friends have decided that the female lead usually given to Sandra Bullock, Renée Zellweger or Meg Ryan will go to Jennifer Garner. I guess they figured they needed a fresh face to attach to this comedy/romance; just like adding an air freshener to…
