Feature: Top 10 Hottest Crazy-Eyed Actresses

While watching a Rodney Dangerfield movie (Easy Money, if you must know), I came to wonder how many actresses are running around Hollywood with screwy eyes? How many would I sleep with? So of course I set upon figuring it out and I’ve ranked them on their “do-ability”.

Criteria: She has to be have appeared in a movie (I’d say acted but so many of them aren’t exactly masters of the craft); have some sort of eye ailment (lazy eyes, uneven eyes, freaky eyes, etc.); 18 or older — no cradle robbing here.

10 Melissa Joan Hart Melissa Joan Hart — She’s got that wickedly tired right eye but a great body. Who actually watched Sabrina the Teenage Witch for the acting? I know I didn’t.
9 Kirsten Dunst Kirsten Dunst — There’s just something going for her. She’s skinny as hell and her right eye is a bit messy, but she’s got the special ‘it’ factor. Also, if she’s good enough for Spider-Man, she’s good enough for me.
8 Christina Ricci Christina Ricci — She’s got herself a pair of bug eyes (right one can get a bit droopy at times too). Yet, after Black Snake Moan put her on the map, who doesn’t want to chain her to a radiator? I certainly do.
7 Jillian Barberie Jillian Barberie — Yeah, she’s annoying as all hell, but that body has held steady for years. I wouldn’t pay any attention to her right eye or to the fact that it may give me nightmares.

6 Paris Hilton Paris Hilton— Both of her eyes are a bit screwy, but the left one has got some real issues. I’d do her just to say I screwed an heiress. By the way, I’d tape it too.
5 Eliza Dushku Eliza Dushku — After seeing Bring It On and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back so many years ago, she has a place reserved in my heart (and bed). So does her slightly weaker left eye.
4 Kari Wuhrer Kari Wuhrer — I used to watch that stupid MTV show Remote Control just to catch a glimpse of her. Never paid much attention to the fact that her right eye was a bit skewed and even though it appears to be getting worse, it wouldn’t stop me from pouncing on her.
3 Lucy Liu Lucy Liu — Hottest Chinese chick in Hollywood. Her left eye is a bit narrower than the right but that wouldn’t stop me for a second . . . or for 5 minutes.
2 Teri Hatcher Teri Hatcher — Her right eye has gotten a bit droopy as she’s aged. All women should hope to look as good as Teri does when they start piling on the years. She’s the best Desperate Housewife on the block.
1 Jessica Alba Jessica Alba — I know, you don’t want to believe it but her right eye is ever so slightly more squinty than her left. Doesn’t matter though, she is still beyond hot and I would drop anything for 18 minutes of alone time with her.

Point out the ones I’ve missed, if you must.

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'Feature: Top 10 Hottest Crazy-Eyed Actresses' have 15 comments

  1. The Critical Movie Critics

    June 24, 2007 @ 11:53 am Larry Fitzgerald

    Too funny. I had never noticed Jessica Alba’s “squinty” right eye. Not entirely sure if I agree with the assumption she does.

    Either way, it’s definitely an interesting list to compile.

  2. The Critical Movie Critics

    June 25, 2007 @ 6:39 am General Disdain

    What about Renée Zellweger? Her eyes have always seemed suspect to me.

  3. The Critical Movie Critics

    July 3, 2007 @ 11:02 am blogcabins

    You would have to be assuming that Renee Zellweger is hot, which she most certainly isn’t. Pouty and squinched? Sure. Hot? No way.

    I vote for Jillian, though calling her an actress is a bit of a stretch.

  4. The Critical Movie Critics

    July 21, 2007 @ 6:42 am Skinny

    Interesting list.

    Paris Hilton should be at number one, she is a great actress!

    (Just kidding.)

  5. The Critical Movie Critics

    November 7, 2007 @ 11:08 am BONTB

    Very nice collection :) Paris isn’t an actress she is just po*n star lol that’s how she gets all acting credit in my eyes.

  6. The Critical Movie Critics

    November 18, 2007 @ 11:32 pm Sirius Lee

    Dunno about you, but I think Rose McGowan should be on the list. And unlike blogcabins, I think Renee Zellweger is hot!

  7. The Critical Movie Critics

    November 20, 2007 @ 8:57 pm sasori

    Dunno about you, but I think Rose McGowan should be on the list.

    I never noticed a lazy eye on Rose McGowan. This will require further inspection!

  8. The Critical Movie Critics

    May 30, 2010 @ 5:10 pm suuuuup

    KRISTEN BELL! her lazy eye is beautiful <333

  9. The Critical Movie Critics

    June 26, 2013 @ 6:31 pm Lynn

    The person who wrote this seems like a creep. We ask kids not to bully but then people put stuff like this out and everyone thinks it’s okay?

  10. The Critical Movie Critics

    July 13, 2014 @ 5:40 pm Dalton

    A top contender is Rosamund Pike. Although beautiful, her eyes have a tendency to operate individually from one another.

    • The Critical Movie Critics

      April 28, 2015 @ 11:31 pm Emilio

      Not really, her right eye is just rounder and a little bigger than her left eye.

  11. The Critical Movie Critics

    July 15, 2016 @ 8:25 pm Misty Scaggs

    Shailene Woodley’s eyes are worth checking out. The inner corner of her right eye is slightly off and tilts down toward her nose. It’s always bugged me but doesn’t detract from her ability to command a role.

  12. The Critical Movie Critics

    February 23, 2017 @ 7:08 pm Shirta

    Don’t forget about Shailene Woodley’s wonkey right eye. It’s most apparent in Divergent

  13. The Critical Movie Critics

    June 9, 2017 @ 1:45 pm jdcs3

    Worst ever is Scarlet Johansson. Creepy how one eye is always looking somewhere else like it’s not connected to her brain.

  14. The Critical Movie Critics

    July 12, 2017 @ 8:45 pm cozylittlebookjournal

    Shannen Doherty didn’t make the list? I’m surprised! Her eyes are famously…off. It’s like one is higher than the other. I think it’s why she always squints.

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