Movie Review: Accepted (2006)

Ahhh, the glorious days of college. Who could forget them? It’s when most men try and sleep with as many girls as possible, and for girls to find their future husbands. It’s when most men drink until they puke and when girls drink to forget about sleeping with your fat ass. Unfortunately for me, I was married during my college career, so I missed a great deal of fun. That’s why I always look forward to movies like Accepted — I need the ability to relive college as it should have been for me (although I am happily married).

There can be no misconceptions about Accepted. It portrays itself as a stupid, low-brow teen flick and it delivers on that portrayal. Problem is even with these low expectations, as a movie-goer you expect to be at least entertained. That’s where things go horribly wrong.

Here we have Bartleby Gaines (played by Justin Long), as an unmotivated high school kid who after being rejected by all colleges, decides to create his own to dupe his father into thinking he isn’t a complete loser. Along the way, 300+ other university rejects find their way into South Harmon Institute of Technology, aka S.H.I.T., without realizing the college is complete farce. How they can’t instantly figure out the college is bullshit is beyond me, however. There are no classrooms, no class offerings, no professors, no registrar, no dining hall, no textbooks, no — aw fuck it, you get the idea. All this for $10,000! No wonder no other school accepted these schmucks.

And exactly how did the kids manage to drum up the money to lease the condemned hospital for their ruse? Where did they get the money to renovate the building? Remember, this was all done prior to their getting the $300,000 in tuition money. These kids must have some fan-fucking-tastic credit. Another huge glaring problem: No nudity. Teen movies about college simply must have naked girls in it. It is a pure necessity — a rite of passage into manhood! The biggest mistake however, was the ending which finds Mr. Gaines presenting his univeristy’s case for accreditation to the powers-that-be. If this doesn’t drum up comparisons to the hearing scene in “Animal House” for you, then you must be a complete idiot. The similarities are just too much. And Accepted, just doesn’t even come close to the humor of “Animal House” — on any level.

On the moving scale of teen angst and college flicks, Accepted falls to the lower end of the middle of the pack. There are a few funny moments and Blake Lively is a pleasure to look at, but otherwise there are plenty of other choices out there that are much, much better. Trust me.