Scary Movie 4 (2006) by The Critical Movie Critics

Movie Review: Scary Movie 4 (2006)


With a moment to kill, I sat back with a cold Yuengling, a box of Wheat Thins and a jar of peanut butter and watched the latest Wayans brothers offering: Scary Movie 4. Now as always I try and be fair and watch all movies with an open mind — no preconceived notions here. There is of course always a first. I knew this movie had to suck horse dick. Dirty horse dick.

There’s an obvious reason for this. There just isn’t a goddamned thing out to lampoon effectively. Let’s see, Scary Movie 4 pokes fun at — “War of the Worlds,” “Brokeback Mountain,” “The Village,” “Saw” and “The Grudge.” Oh yeah, let’s not forget the fucking ridiculousness of Tom Cruise too, which by the way, is 500x funnier in real life than having some hack do an over-the-top impersonation.

Let’s get back on track though. In terms of the other movies, there are maybe (counting on hand, be patient), five or six funny parodies. Carmen Electra as the blind bitch, is an instant classic — but any shit / fart combination coming out of an extremely hot lady is funny (see Jenny McCarthy). Poor Leslie Nielson has fallen so far from grace. He really needs to stop making a complete asshole of himself and just bury himself in a hole already. And that poor girl, Anna Faris, really needs to find something else to do too. For fucks sake, she has become the most annoying broad on the planet. Honestly, the only other funny part that comes to mind in Scary Movie 4 is over within the first four minutes. The “Saw” scene with Shaq and “Dr.” Phil is comedy genius.

There can be no discussion on this — the “Scary Movie” franchise has lost it’s steam and is now just an empty ice cream carton to a fat man. Useless. Amazingly enough it is the number one movie at the box office, which can tell use one of two things. Either American movie goers are dumber than NASCAR fans or American movie goers are desperate for something to see in theaters and Scary Movie 4 is the only thing that even resembles a movie. Personally, I vote for the first choice. Americans are dumb as Nicole Richie and I hate myself.

Critical Movie Critic Rating:
2 Star Rating: Bad

2

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The Critical Movie Critics

I'm an old, miserable fart set in his ways. Some of the things that bring a smile to my face are (in no particular order): Teenage back acne, the rain on my face, long walks on the beach and redneck women named Francis. Oh yeah, I like to watch and criticize movies.


'Movie Review: Scary Movie 4 (2006)' have 4 comments

  1. The Critical Movie Critics

    May 3, 2006 @ 10:55 am Nashtradomus

    Before I dwell into the toxic realm of writing the review, I would like to point out to Mr.C that Wayans bros have seized working on this franchise long before.

    And now the review…..

    Holy Crap!! It is beyond belief that this movie could have been numero uno in the box office when it was released. I knew SM4 is going to suck ass even before I decided to watch this flick. But then I had this notion that maybe there is a slim chance this one might be a laugh riot. As the case it usually is, I’m right and so is my prediction. This movie is a far cry from the first installment that came out in 2000.

    I thought they would have taken the time to really get it right, but this felt rushed and poorly put together. The acting was decent, but too many skits ran aground came short of laughter. They stayed focused on War of the Worlds way too long, and if you never saw that movie you wouldn’t understand hardly any of the attempted parody/humor in it. This did have few moments when it had you crackin’ up but then those were brief moments over the entire length of the movie. This movie starts you off with involuntary rolling of your eyes followed by a wanting to have a lobotomy if you planning to stay watching this movie any longer.

    This movie suffers from overused slapstick, misfired jokes, largely predictable storyline and the painful mixes of all the horror films and every other movie category possible. David Zucker should stick to relatively simple spoof material like just horror when the title reads Scary Movie.

    I rate this inebriated worthless piece of mindfuck a F.

  2. The Critical Movie Critics

    May 5, 2006 @ 6:56 pm General Disdain

    I stand corrected. The Wayans were not responsible for this face fuck movie. However, they didn’t give up on the franchise so long ago (as you say). Although Scary Movie 3 wasn’t directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans the rest of the family did indeed write it.
    Otherwise, we agree whole heartedly on this movie – it sucks. Period.

  3. The Critical Movie Critics

    May 10, 2006 @ 7:58 am Nashtradomus

    I knew, you would agree with me someday,

  4. The Critical Movie Critics

    October 4, 2007 @ 8:10 pm Sirplaya

    Also to correct you, it was Charlie Sheen that did the skit in the beginning, not Tom Cruise, but still, it was a “road kill” movie.

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