Movie Review: Disaster Movie (2008)

Do we really have to go through this again? Apparently so, because the boys behind such hits like Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans (yes, I am being facetious) are at it again with Disaster Movie. With a name like that did you think they were peering into the future?

I certainly thought so and from the looks of it they were right. Disaster Movie is a disaster. Like their previous movies, writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer once again throw every disgusting and poorly thought out pile of shit at the screen in mad fashion hoping at least one will hit its mark and make someone, somewhere laugh. And when I say, “in a mad fashion”, I really mean it. Nearly every instance of the past years’ movies and pop culture is lampooned in rapid fire succession.

Loosely, the film (if it can actually be called that), is built around Cloverfield – Will (Matt Lanter), after getting a premonition of his town being destroyed, sets off to find his ex-girlfriend Amy (Vanessa Minnillo). Along the way he collects an entourage consisting of a Fat Albertish Calvin (Gary ‘G Thang’ Johnson), Calvin’s girlfriend Lisa (Kim Kardashian), a crazed Enchanted Princess (Nicole Parker) and a Juno-esqe Juney (Crista Flanagan). Together they bounce into asinine scenarios that make fun of such movies like:

• High School Musical
• You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
• Speed Racer

involving terrible imitators of wanna-be and has-been celebrities like:

• Amy Winehouse
• Dr. Phil
• Flava-Flav

while intermixing pop culture references about:

• Ebay
• Head-On
• Facebook

for reasons I can’t fathom. None of them are funny. That’s right, I didn’t crack a smile at any of the jokes (no, not even the breast milk spray made me laugh), which is a new low because even in Friedberg and Seltzer’s previous cashouts, I managed a laugh or two. I did however manage a smile while gazing at Ms. Kardashian’s tits and ass. They are big and bountiful; Reggie Bush must be a happy man (assuming she never speaks).

It’s clear, even for a blindman, that absolutely no thought or effort went into Disaster Movie. I can only suspect the reason people continue to see movies this poorly made is to see how bad they actually are. I implore everyone who reads this to take my word for it – this film is the ass end of a pig. Editing Smokey the Bear’s message to fit the need, “Only you can prevent movies like this from being made.” Stop going already.