The Ring Two (2005) by The Critical Movie Critics

Movie Review: The Ring Two (2005)

Last night, the wife and I sat down expecting to get a good scare before going to bed. She had her popcorn. I had high hopes. Although, I wasn’t a huge fan of the first movie (it reminded me of the shitty scarefest “FearDotCom”), I figured The Ring Two would be better. After all, Hollywood managed to get Hideo Nakata to direct the movie. He’s the crazy Japanese guy who directed the originals this and “The Ring” were Americanized from (“Ringu” and “Ringu 2” for those keeping track).

Disappointment ensues. The movie starts off as expected with a couple of teenagers (Emily VanCamp, cute) watching the infamous “death tape” . . . blah blah blah . . . been there done that. Nothing groundbreaking here.

Naomi Watts, who just happens to be living in the new community where the tape surfaces, is of course entwined in trying to once again solve the mystery of Samara. I like Naomi Watts. Ever since I saw her in “Mulholland Dr.” (thank you Mr. Lynch). She’s the next best thing from Australia, since that idiot Crocodile Hunter.

Stupidity and clich├ęs abound everywhere in the movie. Is it me or do all the latest scare flicks involve fucked up little kids? Put dark makeup around their eyes and make them say stupid shit, seems the norm these days. I’ve also seen the “evil being coming out of the TV” once to many times. Shit that was done in Poltergeist, circa 1982. And Ms. Watts plays a terrible mother. She knows full well her child is at risk, yet time and again, she leaves him alone…hell she lets him walk by himself at some county fair! And when does a realtor let someone walk into a house, rummage through a basement and arbitrarily remove items from the house? Never in my world. Let me know if it happens in yours.

I should also say, Mr. Nakata does the movie a great disservice by not working in the Evil Samara more into the movie. She was the highlight of the first movie and she is seen and used sparingly here. Instead he chooses to focus the story Samara’s family life history. I understand the need to make the moviegoer understand where the evil stems from, but it just takes too damn long to unfold. By the time it was all explained, I simply didn’t care. I just wanted to Samara slithering around and killing people.

If you want to be scared don’t watch The Ring Two. Hell, I can’t recall a single moment where I felt a hint of anxiety. I knew 90% of everything that was going to happen before it did. And in the instance what I expected to happen didn’t, I was let down. My imagination is obviously more warped than my Japanese counterparts. Now I am told the Japanese originals, are 50x more eerie and sinister, so I may have to check them out. I suggest you do too, as you will be sorrily disappointed with this film.

Critical Movie Critic Rating:
2 Star Rating: Bad


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The Critical Movie Critics

I'm an old, miserable fart set in his ways. Some of the things that bring a smile to my face are (in no particular order): Teenage back acne, the rain on my face, long walks on the beach and redneck women named Francis. Oh yeah, I like to watch and criticize movies.

'Movie Review: The Ring Two (2005)' have 2 comments

  1. The Critical Movie Critics

    April 2, 2005 @ 10:48 pm Nashtradomus

    First off, let me start with saying this movie sucked ass! Secondly, I hope they don’t make a Ring 3. What the heck happened? I was excepting this movie to make me pee my pants, but what I got was a flippin’ Bambi poop.
    We have learned four things that the writers and directors think all people truely fear: 1) women with greasy, stringy, long black hair covering most of their face (see the Ring and the Grudge for examples) 2)water 3)disfigured jaw bones and 4) crazy four legged mammals with hooves.
    If you enjoy movie like letter “C” then ‘Ring 2’ is for you! This film wasn’t a mysterious as The Ring but, we’ve all met Samara so, it’s hard to recapture that initial fear. What’s new then? The rules have changed and Samara’s looking to expand her grip in the human world, who better to play the victims than Rachel and Aiden from the first film.
    Where as the first film was more like a mystery and detective story this second combines elements of that search for the truth about Samara Morgans genesis with a passible tale of possession. It’s the slow steady burn of a Haunting where the rules are learned by trial and error with the confrontation between Samara and the women who stands in her way played by Naomi Watts again as Rachel. I enjoyed it and it certainly gives a pathos to the mind of Samara and the frightening potential should be escape the well forever.
    Either way the Ring Two misses the mark and if you are an avid movie-goer that isn’t braindead, then do not see this film, unless it is for free. (even then you may feel cheated in the time wasted watching)

  2. The Critical Movie Critics

    April 5, 2005 @ 12:15 pm Mr. Happy

    My sentiments, exactly. Personally, I liked the idea of Samara’s evolution (how else could they keep making sequels?) but it could have been done in a more striking manner. I felt no dread. No loathing. Just a strong desire to go to shopping.
    Let’s hope the saga ends here.

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