Movie Review: The Pacifier (2005)

Maybe you were like me and saw the hundreds of trailers on the television outlining a funny, good-hearted family film. Maybe you thought that movie had the possibility of being quite funny. What movie am I talking about? The Pacifier of course.

I’ll admit it, in some confusing way, I was looking forward to seeing this movie. It looked like it could be pretty fucking funny. Sorry to disappoint. The movie fell short in most areas.

Family flicks are easy to make, take a macho Hollywood actor and throw them into a family situation that we all know they can’t handle. The Pacifier doesn’t fail us here. The failure here is that there just wasn’t a whole hell of a lot of fucked up situations for Vin Diesel to deal with. They tried though. A half-a-fag son who wrestles but wants to act. A baby who farts, cries and shits at all the “wrong” moments. A crazy nanny . . .

Problem is none of the moments really work even though Vin Diesel is clearly out of his element (which is good for this movie) — each setup wasn’t worth the buildup. The only funny part I can recall was when, unexpectedly, the pet duck bit Diesel’s ear. The look on his face made it seem genuine. However, all I had to do is watch the trailers for that.

And even more ridiculous was to have a scientific laboratory built under the family garage, unbeknownst to anyone in family or the neighborhood. Secret locks, flame throwers and huge fucking swords protect this hole. Please. Just kick me in the nuts.

Overall, The Pacifier was boring. I may have chuckled once or twice (but I’m not sure if I was laughing at the movie or at my dog licking his ass). The movie could have been much, much funnier. People should read this attempt at a review before dumping any of their hard earned cash on this mostly family shit-fest.