Fantastic Four (2005) by The Critical Movie Critics

Movie Review: Fantastic Four (2005)

Well, it was bound to happen again. No, I don’t mean that the sun will surely rise in the east, as it always does. I mean, another attempt has been made to bring a comic book to the silver screen. Fantastic Four is another attempt by the movie studios to cash in on the comic book craze. Unfortunately, the one point that they miss time and again, is that no one gives a fuck about lame superheroes like The Fantastic Four! Really! Does anyone even read that shit? They should have learned from “Daredevil,” “Catwoman,” “Elektra” . . .

Back to the movie . . . since it’s not all bad. Granted, I could care less about Reed Richards (the elastic guy), Sue Storm (the invisible chick), Johnny Storm (the fire guy) or Ben Grimm (the big stony fucker), but I did like how Chris Evans portrayed Johnny Storm. He embraced his powers. He simply loved having them! It was great to see a change from the “how do I deal with this power” or “how do I get rid of this, I want to me normal” bullshit. I know I would go shit crazy with extraordinary powers, so it was a definite refresher to see someone embrace their powers as I would.

That’s about all that is good in Fantastic Four. I sure as hell don’t see all the hoopla over Jessica Alba (she plays Sue Storm). Sure she’s got a decent body, but I keep getting drawn to her lazy eye. Lazy eyes fuck everything up for me. Can’t get past them. Overall, the acting is weak, the character development is rather light — am I supposed to care that Reed has commitment issues? or that Ben’s wife leaves him one day after his accident? (what a complete bitch, by the way). Even the so-called action was a snorefest. Nothing exciting here, unless you want to play: Pick out the obvious CGI effects.

Bottom line: Save your money for “X-Men 3 – The Last Stand” or “Spiderman 3.” You can thank me now.

Critical Movie Critic Rating:
2 Star Rating: Bad


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The Critical Movie Critics

I'm an old, miserable fart set in his ways. Some of the things that bring a smile to my face are (in no particular order): Teenage back acne, the rain on my face, long walks on the beach and redneck women named Francis. Oh yeah, I like to watch and criticize movies.

'Movie Review: Fantastic Four (2005)' have 4 comments

  1. The Critical Movie Critics

    August 3, 2005 @ 10:03 pm Hush Puppy

    Having just seen this movie, I have the unfortunate side effect of it being fresh in my mind. Although the movie generated the occasional smile and lit up the screen with some short lived action, it lacked any real depth of plot, acting, cinematography, on screen chemistry or pretty much anything else deemed desirable in a movie.
    The anticlimactic ending and awkward injections of various forms of ad hoc symbolism left me mostly confused. The laboriously slow start and dragging tempo of the movie only hurt its repetitive plot. The special effects were … well not so special. The nearest comparison I can draw is perhaps “Clash of the Titans” quality. Lastly, Hearing one more pun or cliche punch line by the end of the movie would have caused me to shut my player pre-maturely.
    On the plus side, the acting could definitely have been more painful, and there was some fun banter between the Human Torch and The Thing. All in all, I’ve been more disappointed in a movie. And unlike others who would have felt like “I deserved my money back and compensation for my wasted time”, I would have felt fully satisfied with just the compensation for my wasted time.
    I rate this movie C.

  2. The Critical Movie Critics

    March 25, 2008 @ 4:43 pm Govard

    Cool movie! Jess is the best.. I Love you!!!

  3. The Critical Movie Critics

    February 18, 2010 @ 10:37 am Neil

    The “Fantastic Four” was a big disappoint for us. We got this film out because my son loves the animation series on tv and we (mistakenly) thought that he would enjoy it. Whilst there were some moments that children would enjoy, the film was generally bereft of strong action scenes and imagination – he got rather bored after about twenty minutes! Really more of a film for older people (but not very successful at that either).

  4. The Critical Movie Critics

    February 23, 2010 @ 3:04 am Kate The Portrait Artist

    I have to completely disagree with the last reviewer that this film is “bereft of strong action”. Ok compared to the latest adult hollywood thriller, but this is primarily a young person’s film and I think they got it about right.

    A fine attempt at bringing these comic characters to a new generation!

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